I’ve been toying with this for some time, looking for a place – a way – to record my thoughts without having to do it all in longhand. I’m mulling over that if I were to write things down, to journal, that I might regain a small amount of control over my flailing life. I might be able to look at myself in a new light, walk around myself and look me up and down so-to-speak. I might stand up to the reflection in the mirror with the pasty smile and bravely say, “liar.” I imagine myself having an out of body experience of sorts, floating near the ceiling of my existence, looking down and observing me as I really am. I am searching for truth about myself. I’m ready to take responsibility for where I am right now. No more excuses. I’m seeking self-acceptance and self-love. But I don’t know when I’ve felt more irritated, more discouraged about certain circumstance in my personal amphitheater, more self-sabotaging to any hope of success. Yet I’m still grasping onto hope that I can turn this around. I’ve often heard, “You know you have all the tools, you just need to use them.” So here goes. Truth. I’m ‘weighing matters’ that are important to me. Looking at all sides, the pros and cons of making changes, the cost of being honest with myself. I’m ready.