149! I feel so good. I feel so good about myself. I feel. I’m actually able to f.e.e.l!
Food, weight, fat, really does a number on me. My self esteem, my worth, my ability to contribute, my willingness to participate, my willingness to let others in my life, to be touched, to share, to feel, to believe, to empathize, to consider, to receive, to live . . . are all wrapped up in my weight.
Is this normal? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’ve never really felt particularly normal!
I look at my mother. She was always a combination of overweight, heavy, fat, and even obese. Yet she was the most loving, considerate, patient, wonderful, giving, sharing, lovable, touchable, fun, serving, teaching, warm wonderful woman I have ever known. How is it, then, that only a few [maybe two] of her nine children were able to follow her ways and the rest of us are strugglers. We struggle with relationships, with balance, with courage, and conviction. We struggle with our health and weight, with commitment to take care of ourselves and that we are actually worthy of good and loving self care. We struggle with boundaries and love, with confidence and determination and passion.
Here’s what I know today. Here’s what I can say at 149 pounds that I was unable or unwilling or felt unworthy to say at 161 pounds on May 1 [and the entire year before that!]. I am worthy of taking care of myself. I am worthy of loving self-care. I am worth the time and effort, and even the cost, to be healthy and strong and whole. I am worth whatever it takes to:
And so are y.o.u.