won't power

I just totally give up and admit to myself and everyone in the world how truly hard this is. I’m discouraged, disillusioned, frustrated. Incredibly sad and disappointed in myself. People say it takes will power.

But it takes won’t power.

I appreciate this version of the serenity prayer because it puts responsibility where responsibility goes.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know it’s me

So if I am the only one who can change me, why can’t I change me? Why do I keep messing up, screwing around, getting down and blowing it. Why can’t I be true to my hopes and wishes and dreams of a strong, healthy and svelte body. Why do I have to sabotage my good efforts, binge and toss my self esteem and self worth in the trash? I don’t get it. Maybe I won’t get it.

I am so worn out.

4 thoughts on “won't power

  1. tracy

    You ARE doing it. You ARE worth it. You are making progress! I am so proud of you. One day at a time will give you what you want.

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