doin' a job on me

I feel fat.

I really do. I look at myself in the mirror and can see a big difference. My legs look smaller and when I turn sideways I hardly have a butt. My brain, however, is telling me I’m fat.

How’s that for irony.

When I really was fat, my brain told me I really wasn’t all that bad. I would compare myself with every single person who passed by and I figured I was pretty much in the middle of the populace. Now that I’m on the lower end, [I know I am] my brain still tells me something different from what I am.

There’s a name for this. It’s body image distortion, a condition where people are incapable of seeing how they really look and inaccurately believe that some features are exactly the opposite of how they are in reality.

Some experts believe that negative body image may be rooted in early childhood development issues: Babies or toddlers who aren’t touched enough, for instance, may grow into adults who don’t appreciate their bodies. And according to a recent study, people who were physically or sexually abused as children are more prone to dislike or feel disconnected from their bodies.

Yup. I can identify with that.

Sometimes I’m in the car and I look down at my thighs and just groan with disgust. My thighs are all spread out and look twice as big as they really are.

Anyway, I know my brain is doing a  job on me, so I’m choosing to ignore most of it. I just have to keep telling myself that I’ve done well, reached some goals and want to continue making better choices than I have the last couple of years.

If I ever erroneously thought for a moment that this was all going to be over when it was over, I was mistaken!