I’m missing me. I’m missing the person who makes exercise a priority every day. I’m missing the feeling of a tight tummy and that little ache in the back of my arms the day after a good workout. I’m missing the commitment and feeling of pride and accomplishment that naturally follows taking care. Of me.
Sure I’ve worked 60 hours plus the last three weeks. Sure my husband had a total knee replacement and has required extra care. Sure I have a lesson coming up next Sunday, have spent time on taxes, did the presentation in our maintenance/custodial meeting yesterday. But where am I in all of this. Why did I ignore my own personal and physical needs? Why did I go to the back of the line, the bottom of the pile?
I didn’t even make it two days concentrating on getting all my protein in, like I “committed to” just last post! Ugh! Grr!
Am I so accustomed to ignoring myself, putting myself last, that it comes so naturally I don’t even have to think about it — and don’t even realize or recognize it until long after the fact?
It hasn’t been that long since I was my own best friend. I was number one on my list of things to do. But over time I’ve forgotten me. I’ve gotten lazy, slipped back into getting everything done for everyone else and thought — I’ll get to me later.
Well, it’s later.
My weight is bouncing around. I’m having a hard time stabilizing it. I’m having a hard time resisting those late evening snacks in front of the TV– the few minutes I’ve had to catch up on the Olympics or a few minutes of news.
I’ve been as high as 144 this week, but was back to 142 this morning. I know my measurements have taken a hit, my clothes are tighter. I’m sluggish.
And I’m tired.
Physically tired. But also tired of feeling emotionally wiped out. Tired of knowing how much it takes to take care. Tired to realize this is something I have to. do. for. ever!
But ever determined, I keep telling myself after Regional Basketball I will have time to devote to myself again. I’ll have time to exercise everyday, plan menus, eat healthy.
Am I just kidding myself? Have I slipped in my own ratings?