pretty much

Pretty much stuck at 143. [Except for two days when I was stuck at 144.]

I’m trying to not dwell. I’m trying to not obsess. I’m trying to not worry. I’m trying to not talk about [blog about] my weight every single day. I’m trying to just go on as usual. I’m trying to not over-horrible-ize it. I’m trying to be normal. I’m trying to not think too much about it.

But it’s always there. On my mind. On my the tip of my  tongue. It’s what I think about 24/7. And I’m nervous that I’ve gained three pounds which will turn into five and then ten.

So I’ve made an executive decision and I’m going to have to write every single day [somewhere] my weight and whether or not I’ve eaten healthy or exercised. It’s just getting way too easy to ignore my plan and my j.o.u.r.n.e.y.

I tried to distract myself. I did. I wrote about:

  • life is good T-shirts
  • Easter vacation
  • biorhythms
  • movies
  • birthdays
  • underwear
  • owls
  • Mikelle’s apartment
  • and spiders

but the whole time, I was still thinking, worrying about my weight.

And I just can’t go back to where I was when I started.

I can’t.

So, 143/no exercise/ate pretty crappy today. Doing better tomorrow!