dais, take 2

I just finished mowing the lawn. It wasn’t a detailed mow, just clipping off the tops and evening it out. We don’t have water in the ditch so I don’t want to cut it too short or it will burn more than it has already. But I like seeing the ‘lines’ in the lawn and picking up the leaves that have blown off the trees the past couple of days.

Daisy was sitting out front on the grass watching me mow. Keeping me company. Each time I came around her direction she would get up and move over two feet. Then a few minutes later she would have to get up and move again. Then again. This is not an easy feat for her since — remember —  she just broke her front leg and pelvis and has a torn-up back leg and another one with not much skin left on it.

She struggled. And struggled. Each time she only moved the minimum to get out of the way of the mower coming in her direction. It broke my heart.

I kept thinking she really needs to move wwaaaayyy over so that she could rest for a little while instead of trying to get herself up every couple of minutes. Or she could just move over in the opposite direction to where I’d already mowed and save herself a whole lot of pain and frustration. Finally, I got off the mower, motioned and called for her to come and lie over by a shady tree where I had already finished. I rubbed her belly for a while as she whimpered in painful pleasure. Poor girl.

I also thought, afterward, how that compares with our own lives and our own struggles. Lot’s of time  Someone can see the whole picture better than I can and can see that if I moved in the opposite direction I could save myself a whole lot of struggle and pain. Someone can see that just moving the minimum amount [usually in the wrong direction] doesn’t really help because I’m going to have to do that over and over.

I’m so glad I’m getting to know that Someone a little better and a few of my trust issues are improving when it comes to trusting in God.

Yes, it’s Thursday and I’m off to my 12-step program in a few minutes. I’ve been thinking all day how far I’ve inched along toward the right direction the last couple of months. This really has been life changing for me, perhaps only in my perspective. I have so much of my own soul’s work lying ahead. But now I can see there are tools, there’s time and there’s a way.

Knowing that has turned denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity and strangers into friends. It has made sense of the past and brings peace for today.

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