12
Sep

positive doodling

First of all let me say it was a great meeting. It was! We had some great talks on missionary work and the importance of it. But for a few minutes my mind wandered when the men were singing the rest hymn and I started to doodle a little bit on the back of a Sudoku puzzle. [You know how positive thinking works, so I’m counting on this being effective, as well.] This is what I wrote:

I wrote it in about thirty fonts and scripts. Fancy, tall, short, slanted, straight, curly, bold, serif, block, outlined. And I wondered if it would make a difference if I totally focused on that number for a day or two. I know how subliminal messages work and I guess I was trying to give myself the message that it would be a great number to weigh and that I could if I’d put my mind to it. 140 is a l-o-n-g way off, so 148, for the time being, is a reasonable goal.

I’m pretty sure that’s not the way it works but for a while I actually believed, or wanted to believe, that it could be as simple as that.

I’ve had a great three days. And although I’m not ready to say the words [numbers] that I weighed mid-week, I’m sure ready to think more clearly about what I chose to do to myself in the form of putting really crappy and huge portions of food in my mouth.

I’ve been reading Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth again and trying to sort through what I can glean and what I just can’t seem to swallow. [Pun, there.] But one intriguing list is her Eating Guidelines:

1. Eat when you are hungry. (Truly hungry, body hungry not mind hungry)
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.
3.Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspaper, books, intense or anxiety producing conversation and music.
4. Eat only what your body wants. (Big difference from what your MIND wants!)
5. Eat until you are satisfied. (This is different than full).
6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.

7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

It makes sense. It does. I’d have to change a whole basket of habits in order to comply — like eating at a table with no other distractions. That seems to be my pattern — eating while watching TV. Eating continuously and semi-consciously during all my favorite shows — and believe me, I have a bunch of them.

Light bulb moment!

I might eat less if I watched less. I’ve told people that my whole life as a Diet Center Manager and a Weight Watchers employee, but for some reason I handily excluded myself from the equation of those who might have a problem with that.

Hell-O!

This is all so elementary [Watson!] but I’m starting over and discovering what I’ve always known is true. Eat less, move more. Eat healthy to feel healthy. Treat myself as I would my best friend. [I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t invite my best friend over and plop her on the couch and set 12 rice cakes smothered in strawberry cream cheese, 4 string cheese and 6 root beer ice cream bars in front of her and exclaim “Chow down, lady!” Especially if I knew she had a compulsive and self-destructive relationship with food. I would have thought ahead, planned ahead and had something light, refreshing, filling, and delightful. I’d have set out a nice place setting with goblets of ice water. I’d have a pleasant CD playing softly in the background and I’d have comfortable, supportive and nurturing conversation. So why don’t I do that for myself?]

Yup, that’s my thoughts for today.

Sorry, Tam, I’m still coming up short in the witty department. But I’m working on that!

2 thoughts on “positive doodling

  1. Tami

    Hey – I’m just glad to hear from you again! Thanks for all your thoughts. I’ve been struggling with several things lately and trying to find ways to get a handle on them. Thanks for giving me some ideas.

  2. Mom

    Wait. What?! No. I have no ideas! I can’t even manage to figure out how to keep myself sane lately! I’m driving myself nuts. I’ve been trying to sell my story to Gollywood. I’m going to call it Driving Miss Weighty. Don’t use any of my stuff. It doesn’t work!

    Seriously. I’ve had to take a big look at myself and my self-image. But I’m on the ten-year plan and I’m seeing some stuff ooze out that I’ve struggled to keep hidden for years, so maybe that’s progress. Look how many years I hid incest. And now I’m finally tired of lying about it. The truth’s out. Well, some of it.

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