what the hay?

OK. January 2.

What I wish I did differently yesterday.

I started with a huge piece of breakfast casserole. Oh, and corn bread.
Wish I had a fruit and spinach smoothie.

Later I had 2 packages of M& M’s and a package of red licorice.
Wish I had an apple and a handful of radishes.

In the evening I had two slices of pizza.
Wish I had eaten a couple of my favorite chicken/spinach hot dogs with a little mustard.

I had several pieces of chocolate cake that had been sitting on the cabinet for a week.
Wish I had my mouth sewed shut with a piece of mint dental floss.

Pretty much hate myself for being so negligent, lazy, weak and uncommitted.

Pretty much hate that the cute clothes from Christopher and Banks are going to be tight/too small.

Pretty much hate that I put an old, stale, chocolate cake in front of my own health.

Scott, on the other hand, has stuck to a healthy eating/exercise plan and has had a fitting reward! He has lost boo-koo amounts of weight [I think 12 pounds! in a month!] And yesterday he said, “I’m sticking to it. I’m not going to mess up a month’s work for a slice of garbage.” He said, “I’m not even tempted, not even for a second.”

Wow. That’s what I want for myself. A little backbone in the face of chocolate. Even stale chocolate. A little faith in myself. A little commitment. A little goal. A little common sense and logic. A little far-sighteness. A little bit of self-control. A little bit of self-love. A little bit of rememering what it took to lose those ten pounds just a few weeks ago.

What the heck is my problem?!?

Come on! New day . . . new way. 145 , uuughhhh. I did this to myself!