This morning I thought I’d give it one more try. Every week I try on my size 31 Wranglers that used to fit when I lost weight last year. Every week I fold them back onto the closet shelf. But today I’m wearing them!

All this exercise is finally paying off.

You wouldn’t know it, but there is a huge difference between size 32 Faded Glory and 31 Wranglers. It actually feels like a difference of two sizes instead of one. And since FG doesn’t come in a 31 waist, [which would be perfect!] and because the 32 Wrangler are way too big, I’ve been between sizes for a while. By 9:00 a.m. the FG are falling down around my hips — partially, I’m sure, because the weight of my school keys, and I’ve had to cinch them with a belt for weeks to keep them up where they belong. What I really need are 31 FG! Why in the world would they go from size 30 to 32 and skip size 31?  I need some harmonious sizing here. [Is that even a word?] I’m positive there is another woman out there in the same predicament.

OMSHeck!* What am I saying? Why can’t just one manufacturer get it together. I actually just bought three Liz Clayborne tops from JCP and they are all the same size and they all fit different. WAY different. One was too big, one was too small and one was just right. [This sounds like an old childhood bedtime story to me.]

Last weekend when I was at Mikelle’s I wore a pair of her jeans for the day. They were the hip, low-cut, [4- inch zipper] stylish jeans of the younger generation. Not for me! I was falling out of them all day. They didn’t hold my stomach [or my behind] in at all. Maybe kids that age don’t have stomachs and behinds but this grommer does.

Well, for today I’m in Wranglers and I’m happy. I feel like I’m all tucked into a big denim girdle! I’m not sure my girly parts are happy because it’s pretty tight in certain areas, except for when I’m standing up and standing perfectly still. I’m fine. Really. I’m fine.

I like to shop at Christopher and Banks. They know how to get into my head. Because at C&B I wear a full size smaller than in any other store. It just makes me want to spend my hard earned money. But sometimes I go into a store — and I can’t even fit into an extra large, for Pete’s Sake. I’m not spending a dime there!

Well, enough of this typing. I need to stand up and get some circulation going.

*oh my stinkin’ heck