I’m a long distance child care provider. Seriously. Every time Tracy is in the middle of a project, every time one of her two youngest gets an owie, every time she is on a teleconference call, or doing some ridiculously-huge brain-cell consuming project she says, “Would you like to call Grommer and tell her all about it?”
Here’s how it sounds at my end while I am trying to balance the phone on my shoulder while, say, cleaning the tops of 250 lockers: “Hi Grommer! I was bllsklkl gkidkgh euris fhi ee riekls biels nppo wqhic Papa wisigh aneitl sigke Keziah wkellll so I viielsl wishe etc., etc., etc.! Isn’t that so funny Grommer?”
Of course I say, “Yes sweetheart that is so funny!”
Which encourages her to continue . . .
“Oouleld qposi gjpsi mbpsw ddidich red car eiwosnjhg ehieidls ehiiinnensl chowrsh ghiwiw nosoek boous Blythie wishql bhoouurd etc., etc., etc., buillltt a spider! Isn’t that so funny Grommer?”
Followed by, “Yes sweetheart that is so funny!”
There’s more: “And eillslll buiitttlllshiiididi bhllesl Sunbeam kkkkslllk qwmtm bbmmowos theiigg moose oosososo gggjjj epsplsp, bbuidosl sdneithy bisltyis bnglwkeidhme theislti thelsig. Hello Grommer? Are you there Grommer?”
Eventually, I get back to Tracy and I say, “I have no idea what Annes just told me about. Something about Papa and Keziah and Blythe and a spider. And Tracy will explain the whole thing to me: [You couldn’t understand that?] She was telling you that she went in the new red car with her Papa and they went to Broulim’s and she got to push the little kid’s shopping cart and they went past the ice cream aisle and her Papa let her pick out a treat for the whole family for Family Home Evening and she picked out moose tracks and then Keziah and Blythe tickled her until she laughed her head off because they were so excited and Keziah said she is a big girl and then she saw a spider on the ground and she didn’t step on it because she loves spiders. She spoke very clearly and I could understand every single word even though I’m reading Shakespeare to the rest of the children and doing needlepoint at the same time!”
Oh yah, I did understand the part about the spider.