hung up

I just did a whole two weeks of addictions. I read about them, studied about them, prayed and taught.

I also lived them.

Yah, I’m  so messed up right now. I’m having a hard time.

I’m not sure where it started but I do know that last weekend and this weekend are totally about addiction and being messed up.

I went to Mikelle’s last week [avoiding the Prom] and we shopped. Boy howdy, did we shop. She had a baby, Easton, of course, and she is nursing. And none of her little size 4 and 5 clothes from a couple of years ago fit anymore. She cleaned out her closet the week before and gave away a mountain of clothing that she has loved. She had to let go of clothes that don’t fit anymore and clothes that would not be appropriate to wear when she and Logan go through the temple next month.

I had just got paid on Friday and paid all my bills online while I was there, and felt pretty good about myself, financially. So, I felt OK about buying her some new things — mostly because I’m so proud of all the good things going on in her life and about changing her outlook on modesty. I want her to feel good about herself and her clothes. I want her to still feel cute and have great self-esteem.

We went to Penney’s first and bought a ton of clothes. Four [absolutely darling!] skirts and lots of tops, shorts, and capris. Then we went to Kohl’s because I had received a coupon in the mail for 30% off.

Never in my life have I had a coupon for that much, so why not take advantage of it, right? Well, $306 later we left the store. Mikelle called me after I got back to Lyman and told me she had everything hung up and put away. She said, “Oh my gosh! I got 22 shirts, four skirts, five capris and two shorts. It was a lot more than I thought!”

So yesterday, I thought, I really should go to Kohl’s one more time before this 30% coupon expires. There is a darling vest I wanted to buy that is a slightly different version of the one I bought last week for myself. That one was blue, this one in the brown/pink color range.

Tracy, Tami, if you see this in a medium, PLEASE get it for me!
[Sanoma brand]

[No, I’m not going rouge!
Not to worry — I wear it with a little cropped jacket.]

I also had a couple of 50% off coupons for Robert’s crafts and needed to pick up a special order at Quilted Bear of the Logan temple done in metal for something I wanted to make for Logan and Mikelle when they get sealed. So I worked my required five hours and took off for Utah by noon.

I drove to Clinton [Ogden doesn’t have a Kohl’s] and stopped at a cute boutique. Nothing there that caught my fancy but I did buy a slice chocolate raspberry bread at Great Harvest next door. Next stop was Robert’s. Everything in the store was 40% off. I have no clue how they could afford that day! I bought three tissue boxes to paint for spring/summer and a calendar holder for only $13! What a bargain. Then off to Kohl’s — my whole reason for going to Utah.

I didn’t find the cute vest I have been wanting. [Seriously, I have called Mikelle thirteen times to get the only one in the entire state of Utah in a medium.] But somehow, I found many, many, many other things.

After an hour in there, I called Mikelle and said, “Well, I just saved $456.66!”

But stop. Wait. That is in addition to the already $69.45, $34.22 and $323.16 I had saved last week!

It was at that very moment I knew I had a problem!

And I felt really, really sick at my stomach. Holy cow and for Pete’s sake all wrapped up in one! This doesn’t even include the money I “saved” at JCP last week, which was $157.14.

When it’s all said and done, I “saved” over $1000.00.

I’ve often judged others for shopping uncontrollably. I’ve seen their piles and piles of “absolutely needed” items. And now I’m right there! A couple of years go I watched a show on hoarding that turned my stomach. I couldn’t stand it and never watched it again!

Sick, sick, sick.

I’ve judged people who got themselves in debt. And now, I finally recognize I’m right there with all of them who have a huge addiction to things, having, obtaining.

I’m sure, without any doubt, that this is something I will be getting under control, starting right this minute.

Well, at least right after I get this whole shopping spree hung up and put away.