compose mode

I can’t seem to pull my thoughts together. Oh, sure I could ramble, but who wants that? [as if I’ve never been here before!] Every day I try to think of something post-worthy and every day I notice that it isn’t.

I’ve been in compose-mode for hours and come up with chit-chatty conversations with myself, but it’s all pretty superficial and non-thought provoking when you come right down to it.

Some of the things I’ve considered, if you can believe it, are: how bad our sick bank committee is getting and how oftentimes we are insensitive and too ‘by-the-book’ for our own good. I can’t even fathom that they [we] are considering not paying twelve days for a co-worker who just lost her father. [That wouldn’t make a good post.]

I thought of complaining about my hubby, but then I took a good look at my bedroom, saw the piles everywhere, got a whiff of the general smell of the house when I walked in from the fresh outside air, and decided I need to pull the mote out of my own eye. Air freshener can only do so much. [That wouldn’t make a good post.]

I thought of writing about all the cute spring/summer crafts I’ve bought to paint and finish up, but I really can’t muster the energy to do more than think. I’ve got darling tissue boxes with spring flowers on them and a couple of watermelons and kites and mailboxes and magnet boards and chunky flowers and chicks and eggs. They’ll still be there next spring. [I’ve already written about this dilemma many times. The only thing that changed is the season I’m currently in.]

I thought of writing about how many times in one day Annesley calls me and how many sentences I actually understand. Once in a while I understand a string of words and can put together a thought of hers. Yesterday she said, “Grommer, I didn’t really go outside, but I did!” It’s like she tries on conversation and sees how I react and then changes it if I don’t respond quickly. I thought about how many times Scott called me and said, “Annesley just called and I didn’t understand a word she said . . .” [This is ongoing and probably only of interest to me . . . I think it’s adorable!]

And I’ve thought [hoped] I would lose a couple of pounds before I had to write my actual weight on here. I lied last time I typed it. I don’t want to keep lying about it. [Been there, wrote that!]

That about sums up why I haven‘t written anything thought-provoking or of interest for two weeks.

However, some more-worthy topics have swam through my mind, as well . . .

I thought about my sweet sister who offered to buy Mikelle her temple clothes. She has been so good to my kids, always helping them out, encouraging them, taking an interest, quietly going about showing love, concern and support.

I thought of writing more about my friend Becky and how she has strengthened me. That’s all I have really been able to fully think about the past two weeks. [Two weeks today since her entire life turned up-side down.]

I thought of writing about Tami and all she has been through that makes me think deeply of struggles in life.

I’ve thought about writing about amazing Camille. She’s amazing! Oh, see!

Steev and Scott told me to not write about them. They are private people.

I walk around all day long in compose mode. I’m not really in the present and I can feel it wearing me down. It consumes what little energy I have left after a ten-hour work day. Elder Bednar’s warning about blogging comes to mind. He spoke of a mother who constantly wrote about her children but didn’t really have the energy for doing with her children. And I think: that’s me, minus the children.

OK, OK, you’ve drug it out of me. 147. There. I’ve said it.

That’s what I’ve been avoiding all this time!