18
Apr

un

I’m unsettled. Uncomfortable. Unfocused. Un-me

I keep hearing, what’s going on with your blog? You aren’t writing. You need to take care of your blog. You need to catch up on your blog.

OK. I know.

For a couple of weeks I’ve not been doing what I know I need to do to be happy, content, productive, inspired, forward-thinking, self-caring, centered.

I’ve only exercised one day [Monday] for the past two weeks. So my weight is up.

It’s been as high as 150. If you can even imagine.

This morning I’m 146. And it seems like a lifetime since I was at 141-142.

What the heck am I doing? I ate two whole sleeves of Ritz and my teeth are coated with white-flour crud. Why did I do that? Why would anyone ever do that? Is that still how I cope? I thought I had learned better ways of coping, but I slipped back into the old ways. Played all the old tapes.

My dear friend Becky is losing her husband. He had a massive stroke but she said last night he is opening his eyes and trying to communicate. It would be truly a miracle if he came out of this. I want to hope for her, but I’m not allowing myself. Her faith is deep. Mine is shallow.

I have so much to be happy about right now. Mikelle is going to the temple. They are blessing their precious East. Things are going well for her. Steev has a great job. Things are looking up for him. My other three seems to have their lives livable. Life is going smoothly.

But, I’m unsettled. Uncomfortable. Unfocused. Un-me

2 thoughts on “un

  1. Mom

    It’s never too late to make a new ending. ~ Maria Robinson. It’s not like I’ve given up on myself. I’m just at a rest stop.

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