4
May

endless cycle

I don’t expect anyone to understand this but what started out as one chocolate cake donut from the teachers lounge for Teacher Appreciation Day, yesterday, turned into three donuts, two slices of cheese stuffed-crust pepperoni pizza, two whoopee pies, a huge bowl of cereal, a bowl of Neapolitan ice cream, a chunk of cheese the size of two decks of cards and chocolate bars.

See what I’m talking about?

See what triggers a binge?

See?

I had eaten so healthy for four days in a row. Exercised. Felt great! Weight moving on down. Liking myself.

Enter: self loathing, self-disdain, self-sabotage, self-annihilation.

Wishing I had posted something wonderful and positive the day before instead of having to post about this. Disgusted.

Crawling back. Trying to find myself. Looking for balance. Searching for my center. Yearning for any shred of decency. Seeking even a molecule of self-love. Needing God.

Um. No.

5 thoughts on “endless cycle

  1. Tami

    I COMPLETELY understand that. I had the same kind of a day (well, it was really the evening) on Monday. Dang it!!

  2. me

    After the first bite [FIRST BITE!] I was going to spit it out and I didn’t. I had plenty of chances to stop myself but didn’t! So mad at me!

  3. Tami

    Dear Dorothy,
    While I understand that when you blog you aren’t actually talking to ME… I miss hearing from you! Love you

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