17
May

i can be likable! [what?]

Yup, yup, yup.

Feeling so good. I wish I could bottle this feeling of strength and determination I’ve found. I know me well enough to know that the time will come — sooner or later — when I’ll feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train and don’t have what it takes to pick myself up. It truly is a cycle for me. A struggle that I don’t pretend to understand. Not at all unlike a drug addict.

But for today — and this week — I’m great!

146 this morning.

Yesterday I ate well. Chia and yogurt, veggies [even jicama] for lunch, a couple of strawberries, and an orange while driving the take-home bus. Later at the Finance Meeting, I chewed on a juicy apple. I had a handful of marinated radishes and cukes and then [this is bizarre] ate a cold spinach dog on the way home from the last meeting of the day. I found it in the car. [I know.]

When I got there, hubby was cooking a broccoli and cheese macaroni casserole that smelled divine. It was all I could do to ignore the smell, recommit to myself, think of Mikelles wedding, my birthday and my new clothes. I kept weighing them all back and forth — but I did take two bites of his dinner. That’s it. I was able to stop myself.

This morning I have the day planned. That’s the key!! Although I know many times in the past I have awaken with resolve, told myself it’s a new day and I can do this, but messed up by 10 am and totally blown it by bedtime. So, I can’t take this “everything’s-working-out-fine” time for granted. I’ve got to have more than a plan.

I can’t explain it. I just know that for right now things are good. I feel good. I am thinking positively. I’m optimistic. And I like myself. For the moment. It’s so hard for me to say those words, but dang it! I can be likable! I’m giving myself that for today!

2 thoughts on “i can be likable! [what?]

  1. tracy

    You are likeable pretty much all the time…regardless of your weight!

    But, I understand what you are saying…thrilled you are feeling great!

  2. weighingmatters Post author

    It’s just that I don’t like MYSELF when I’m so out of control and fat and sloppy and so I can’t let anyone else love me either and, in fact, go out of my way to push people away . . . I know that about myself.

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