This is the second thing women should let go of . . .
2. Let go of your need to have things done your way! [This from the male perspective and the male voice.]
First of all, let’s get it clear, no child or husband can probably do what you are asking them to do half as good as you can! So unless you want us to rebel against you, please just let us do it our way. If we make a mess while washing the dishes, it will be our mess. As long as the dishes get reasonably clean, in a reasonable time frame, you win and you didn’t have to do them. Remember that people are much more inclined to do things if they can do it their way. The minute you prescribe the way to do it, you have probably lost their motivation which you desperately need. You must know that for your husband and kids, it really would be easier to keep making mistakes if they know you’ll immediately step in and get it done “the right way” or “your way.” So don’t let them off so easy and let them do it their way so you can play!
Again, I can see where I goofed up. I can see where I’m still missing the boat. Every single month I pay bills. Not just my bills. But hubz’ bills and Stephen’s bills. Every month I’m frustrated because I say, “For crying out loud, can’t you write a check and find a stamp?” Every month I think it will be different. But every month they play ‘dead’ until I do their job for them.
Because I like things paid on time. I like things paid early, in fact. If it’s due on the 15th, I like it paid on the 1st. Stephen knows this and so he waits until the very last day to get it in the mail in order to get it there without a late payment fee. I don’t like to take that chance. So we’ve fallen into a pattern. He says, “Should we pay bills?” Me, “Yah, you better.” He says why don’t you transfer such and such and get those paid.” Me, “Why don’t you do it this month. You’re 25 years old!” He says, “I am really busy this week and don’t know when I’ll find time to do it. They might get there late.” Me, “OK I’ll do them this month, but you really need to start paying your own bills.”
Matt Townsand says, “LET them be late a few times. Let them tack on a late fee. Let him see that his interest goes up and his credit score takes a dive in the toi-toi. Let him have consequences. Stop thinking it has to be done your way. Let him do it his way.
OK, Mattie. I know you know what you’re talking about. And I’m ready to cut myself loose from everyone else’s bills.
One other itsy-bitsy thing that comes to mind is when my children were here at home. Of course I wanted things done a certain way. I wanted the dishes clean before they were put in the cupboard. I wanted pockets cleaned out before jeans were put in the wash. I wanted hair cleaned out of the tub before leaving the bathroom. I wanted bikes out of the driveway, toothpaste out of the sink and the empty TP roll replaced. I often came to the [incorrect] conclusion that if I wanted it done right, I’d need to do it myself.
Matt says, so what if there’s still l crouton on the plate. It’s not a life or death matter. Don’t redo it for your child. Try to remember to give that child the crouton plate the next time s/he has tossed salad. The lightbulb will go on.
Going to have to trust him on that one.