Just a short week or so ago, I decided I would never write again. I decided I’m sick to death of me and my weight. I decided I would never bore another soul with my ups and downs of weight control, all my idiosyncrasies and personality disorders. I decided to put this whole thing on hold.
But, I had to write what Stephen said about his dad.
And, I had to write about our great Thursday.
And now, I decided to just forget about tossing it all, and write about — guess what — weight.
[I remember one day over in Evanston we were at Mom’s for some kind of meal. Some kind of celebration and, of course, she had cooked all day and everything was laden with thick gravies, sauces or cheeses. Of course, she had two deserts and butter on all the vegetables and extra thick real whipping cream. Or something like that. I went into the back freezer and got some frozen broccoli. She said. “Oh my gosh, are we going to make this all about you again?” Or something like that. All I really remember was the crushing feeling. The feeling that she would never understand my obsession and debilitation with food and weight. The realization that she would never understand what it was like to be bulimic for 25 or so years. The realization that I was pretty much on my own with this. Isolated. The realization that, all though it was so important to me to not eat all that goop, it was what made her happy, to cook and serve and love her family through food.]
Don’t misunderstand. I adore and cherish my Mother!
Anyway . . .
I decided to do the Standard Process purification. I had been thinking about it for a while. Ever since Tracy had so much success with it in July. I also heard Dr. Oz expounding how important it is to treat our liver with love and respect and stop overloading our bodies with chemicals, preservatives, sugars, fats and processed/refined flours.
My cycle: I eat healthy for a week, then eat everything in sight and sometimes out of sight. I am reminded that I found a package of Oreo cookies in the trunk a couple weeks after we went cliff jumping at the Gorge. I had originally bought it for Scott and Logan, but there it was, still in the trunk. What was I supposed to do? Waste it? No, I sat down with a huge glass of milk and ate the whole package. Yah. The whole thing. But wait. I didn’t stop there. A few days later. I ate another whole package of Oreos! And then, when hubby and Stephen returned from camping I went out and found their package of Oreos and finished it off.
s.i.c.k. — I know. My middle name!
So, once again, I was struck with the firm knowledge that I am overwhelmed by food choices. I’m obsessed with/addicted to food/health/weight/fat. And, yet I’m always eating, dieting, starving, binging, rewarding myself, punishing myself with — you guessed it — food.
I thought of Wayne and Mary. I put on my happy face, my fake happy face and told them I’d like to do the Standard Process program. They accommodated me with as little embarrassment as possible.
“Refresh. Replenish. Rejuvenate. The 21-day purification program is effective because it focuses on the whole person–making better food and beverage choices.” So I took the leap.
Here I am, already, on the day seven! And I’m not going to talk about weight lost. Just how great I feel! I’ve got two weeks to go and already feel Refreshed! Replenished! Rejuvenated!