I’ve been doing some thinking. And, then something I read on facebook really struck a chord. The two thought have melded into one and I’m about to put it to paper — so to speak.
Someone posted, “It’s a self-refilling prophecy” on facebook. [Actually, I think it was one of our relatives, Tracy Welker, if I’m not mistaken.] I kept thinking about that phrase, about myself, about my patterns, about my tendencies, about my food struggles and back to the phrase. Pretty catchy. Pretty true. Pretty scary.
I do have a self-refilling tendency going on. My whole life has been one of diet, diet, diet, restrict, withhold, barely hold on, lose control, binge, fill right back up.
Um. I don’t like that! I don’t like the sound of it or the thought of it. I’m so dang tired of that scenario. I’m so tired of that self-fulfilling prophecy. Self-refilling prophecy. That merry-go-round.
I’m tired of hanging on for so long — white-knuckle-hanging-on — and then caving in. Letting go. Giving up. And, for instance, gaining, like 20 pounds in two weeks.
So I’m up a few right now and I’m right back at eating healthy. Right back and white knuckling it. Right back at remembering how long it takes to lose a pound versus how short it takes to gain one. That would be one week versus ten seconds.
I know I’m in this by myself and for myself and I’m the only one that can make food decisions and follow through. But dang. Sometimes it seems like it would be nice to be in a mental ward with no choices. Choosing to honor myself is sometimes harder than I want it to be.
OK. Snapping out of it!
I’m fine. Just a titch disappointed in myself and it’s coming out in my writing.
It’s going to be a great day!!!