I’ve been up for a while. Thinking. I actually woke up the first time around 5 but snookered down and tried to have another dream. I kept hearing Jack meowing for something to eat and drink. Dumb cat. [If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that lately . . .] I thought about getting up and reading some of my book, Hunted, by Clair Poulson, or putting in the CD and listening [and reading] the next couple of chapters in the Book of Mormon. I thought about starting the jeans batch but I know it will wake up Mikelle and Logan who are sleeping right above the washer and dryer. I thought about posting but couldn’t get my mind around it.
My thoughts are so random lately. I have a hard time even thinking through an entire paragraph.
One thing I do want to say, though, even though I could never write a whole post about it is this. Tracy has graciously let us go to her house the week after Christmas. We, basically, invited ourselves. So, of course, that is a huge sacrifice for her and her family. They have been cleaning all week long. All day long every single day. It breaks my heart that, because we are going to her house, she has had to change her whole schedule and spend hours and days cleaning to make room for us. And, the thing that broke my heart most of all is that yesterday she said, “I’ve done my best and spent every waking hour on this project, but I just want you to know it’s not going to be perfect. It’s not going to be like Mikelle’s house.”
Oh, my goodness!
Tracy, if you are reading this, please know that I want to see you and your children and your husband and play Rook, and laugh and eat and just spend time with you! YOU! Not your closet or Blythe’s room or your laundry room. And, although I do it all the time, we all know it’s not good to compare. We always, and in this case as well, compare their best with our not-so-best.
So, stop that. Right this minute! You’ve seen my basement!
I’ve had Mikelle and Logan here since Monday. They were here last week Friday through Wednesday too. It’s hard having two adult women in the same house! We sometimes snap at each other and that doesn’t feel good. I enjoy quiet time and ‘my shows’ and having things a certain way. I like being able to walk through the house in my garms and not have to think too much. I like easy meals and hardly any clean up. I like going to bed early and getting up before dawn. All those things change when there is another family in the house. Someone tell me how the Pioneers did it!
Mikelle likes to cook and clean and sweet and vacuum twice a day. She likes to work out — hard. She likes to have things perfect. She likes to sleep in until 10 and stay up past midnight. She is relaxed about things I’m up tight about and vice versa. She is a good person and a great cook. I am finding out I hardly know her! She’s grown up so much in the last three years! She keeps surprising me!!!
I don’t understand this. How can I eat healthy — SUPER healthy all day long — and then a half hour before bed eat a bowl of ice cream with bananas on top and then two slices of poppy seed bread on the way downstairs to bed. I am so sinking sick of myself! I no longer fit into any of my clothes!
Speaking of Pioneers, you do realize they passed this place by. Right? It’s kind of miserable here. Lots of wind and cold and snow and sage brush. It’s hard to grow anything and the summers are short. There’s alkali everywhere. I always wonder why people move here. I live here because I have roots here. And family — and hubby has family. I live here because I could never sell this house. I live here because I don’t like traffic or too many people. I live here because I’m stuck here. But, seriously, why would anyone move here? I hope people who are considering it, think that through.
I should just quit worrying about that!
See, I told you I could not think through an entire paragraph. I told you I’m completely random lately. I told you I should have just read my book.