7
Jan

try cycle, no not tricycle. 2 different things there. . .

W.O.W.

I’ve been avoiding this. Maybe you can tell.

I’m afraid to write. Afraid of what will come out of my mouth.

I’m afraid to weight. Afraid of what the scale will say.

I’m avoiding talking, seeing, interacting with people. And you can probably guess why. You could probably put two and two together and write this yourself. Because I’m so dang predictable. I’ve been doing this my whole life. My whole dang entire life!

I live in a cycle.

  • Recommit for the umpteenth time
  • Fail several times in this recommitment
  • Slowly get my act together
  • Slowly start to take care of my body and my health
  • Start to see the possibilities
  • Start to see results
  • Feel wonderful
  • Feel amazing
  • Start to spout off all sorts of wisdom about health and weight
  • Start to be prideful
  • Start to be careless
  • Mess up a little
  • Mess up more
  • Mess up every single day
  • Mess up eleventeen times every single day
  • Get down on myself
  • Get depressed
  • Get down on everyone else
  • Eat like there’s no tomorrow
  • Gain
  • Gain
  • Gain
  • Hit rock bottom
  • Avoid everyone
  • Avoid blogging
  • Recommit for the umpteenth +one time

Should I feel encouraged? I notice I’m nearing the bottom of the cycle. Maybe there’s hope right around the corner . . .

I’m way [weigh] up! 147 this morning OK, I’m lying. 148. OK, OK. 148.5 There are you happy?

6 thoughts on “try cycle, no not tricycle. 2 different things there. . .

  1. tracy

    I wonder how the cycle can change. Or even better how it can be stopped completely. You are so much more than this cycle.

    So much more wonderful.

    So much more valuable.

    So much more cherished.

  2. Tracy

    No, not you.

    Symptoms of this disorder include, but are not limited to:
    Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
    May take advantage of others to reach his or her own goal
    Tends to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
    Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
    Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
    Easily becomes jealous
    Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
    Obsessed with oneself
    Mainly pursues selfish goals
    Trouble keeping healthy relationships
    Is easily hurt and rejected
    Sets unreal goals
    Wants “the best” of everything
    Appears as tough-minded or unemotional [3]
    The symptoms of Narcissistic personality disorder can be similar to the traits of individuals with strong self-esteem and confidence, differentiation occurs when the underlying psychological structures of these traits are considered pathological. Narcissists have such an elevated sense of self-worth that they value themselves as inherently better than others. Yet, they have a fragile self-esteem and cannot handle criticism, and will often try to compensate for this inner fragility by belittling or disparaging others in an attempt to validate their own self-worth. It is this sadistic tendency that is characteristic of narcissism as opposed to other psychological conditions affecting level of self-worth. [4]

  3. nicole

    One day at a time. That’s all you can do. We all struggle with the it. Just start each day fresh and don’t dwell on the past! :)

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