I’ve been avoiding this. Maybe you can tell.
I’m afraid to write. Afraid of what will come out of my mouth.
I’m afraid to weight. Afraid of what the scale will say.
I’m avoiding talking, seeing, interacting with people. And you can probably guess why. You could probably put two and two together and write this yourself. Because I’m so dang predictable. I’ve been doing this my whole life. My whole dang entire life!
I live in a cycle.
- Recommit for the umpteenth time
- Fail several times in this recommitment
- Slowly get my act together
- Slowly start to take care of my body and my health
- Start to see the possibilities
- Start to see results
- Feel wonderful
- Feel amazing
- Start to spout off all sorts of wisdom about health and weight
- Start to be prideful
- Start to be careless
- Mess up a little
- Mess up more
- Mess up every single day
- Mess up eleventeen times every single day
- Get down on myself
- Get depressed
- Get down on everyone else
- Eat like there’s no tomorrow
- Hit rock bottom
- Avoid everyone
- Avoid blogging
- Recommit for the umpteenth +one time
Should I feel encouraged? I notice I’m nearing the bottom of the cycle. Maybe there’s hope right around the corner . . .
I’m way [weigh] up! 147 this morning OK, I’m lying. 148. OK, OK. 148.5 There are you happy?