inside right


My entire body is aching from the two workouts I did this week at Bradshaw’s Gym. I’m in totally-punishing-myself mode. I keep thinking . . . “I was right where I want to be. I worked hard to get there. Then I blew it all to heck in a hardcart. [haven’t said that for years!] I don’t deserve anything but punishment and pain!”

Wednesday night I went to Dori’s class and did non-stop hard-ouchy stuff for one hour. I permanently damaged my right triceps. I couldn’t walk to the car! I couldn’t push in the clutch. I couldn’t walk down the five stairs to check my email. I cannot lift my arm above my shoulder. I just went to bed and could not move in the morning!

Yah. Went back again the next day for more!

What was I thinking?

No, actually she offered a free orientation class to learn how to use the gym equipment right. Apparently if you just go and do, like 30 reps the wrong way — like I have been doing for, oh, twenty years — it doesn’t do a body much good.

Now, I’m double sore.

I had to go score for a middle school wrestling quad match last night and I could hardly get into the bleachers behind the score table. Then I came home and went right to bed again. Kept making little painful moaning noises.


When will I put together the equation:

junk + more junk + no exercise + gaining 15 pounds in 6 weeks
= payback and pain

When will I figure out that when I finally reach a goal it is worth just as much effort to stay there?

This is why I have the four sizes of clothes in my closets.

Just sayin’.

I was 140 before Christmas. All through the holidays I ate so healthy. Then the eating began. The gorging, really. Went up like a rocket the next month and a half! Yup! 155!!!! How do you spell h.a.t.e!

I pretty much hate this part of my life, which by the way, consumes every other part of my life.

I read a quote last night that really hit me!

“If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”

How’s that for obvious? Hello God! That was like a lightning bolt right to my hard head!!!

3 thoughts on “inside right

  1. tracy

    Remember what God’s voice sounds like. He doesn’t say “You moron, how could you do this to yourself?” He says “I love you, you can do this, I will give you strength, I will be with you. I know this is important to you so it is important to me. Can you feel my love for you, my precious daughter?”

  2. jessica

    I know this comment is veering off topic, I love your breakthrough ;o) But wanted to ask if you’ve tried sparkpeople.com? It’s free and I’m enjoying their meal plans and nutrition tracker, it was so enlightening to see what kinds of calories I was feeding myself. I’m trying so hard to get the right kinds of calories, but it is difficult!

  3. Sue

    I would kill to weigh 140 but I’m not willing to die to get there. Wish that I were. I am up to 193. Why do I allow this to happen? We are missionaries at the 12-step program and I am determined I am going to try to do the steps. I don’t have a clue where to begin (I know it tell you-I just don’t get it). But I am determined to overcome my many flaws–starting with health issues and working up from there. Thanks for your wonderful blog. I adore reading it.

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