The last three months have been a little overwhelming. I think I have internalized way too many things that are going on in other people’s lives. Camille, Tracy and Mikelle’s for starters. I’ve also been worrying about Becky coming up on the one year anniversary of losing her Wayne. And, I’ve been eating for all of these people.
It started in January. [I actually weighed 140 all through the holidays and LOVED myself!!!!] In January I was at Tracy’s when Tam and Camille were there. Oh, wait. Mikelle and Easton were there, too. It was chaotic. It was emotional. It was heartbreaking. I ate my little heart out. Camille has long been my favorite niece and this has all been too much for my brain and heart to handle. Tracy’s ongoing problems with her broken pelvic bone and all the stress that goes with her not having medical coverage, not enough money, time, and energy to cover all that’s happening — added to the stress and the eating. Mikelle and Logan being laid off since Thanksgiving and little Easton-guy having his surgeries and all of the frustrations and stress of bills, bills, bills seemed overwhelming. Then, Tracy’s new dentist bill about blew my mind. ARRRGGGG. Food seems to be my only coping mechanism.
So, once again my pants are cutting off the blood flow to my brain — and also my feet! I have gained — roughly — 15 pounds since January! Seriously. Who does that? Yah. I’m so fat I now have a yeast infection between my boobs!
I have just got to learn to breathe.
Mikelle and Logan have been at my house for two weeks. I appreciate all that Mikelle does to keep my house perfect, but sometimes I don’t want/need perfect. I just need to decompress and read a book or do a craft or play a game on the computer. It seems like I drive her crazy and she drives me a little nuts. Hopefully, I will handle all of that a little better when she comes back — because they really do need he money and I’m so happy that Tom Redmon has given Logan some work until something more substantial comes along.
Add to all that — hubby needs a NEW snow machine!!! Oh my gosh! We are finally at a place where the house is almost paid off and we could actually put some money into siding it, building a family room, repairing the basement, all sorts of things. But, no. He needs a new $15,00 snow machine. I’ll tell you. It just makes me want to see a lawyer. I’ve so had it. Oh, wait. He just bought a new $8,000 snow machine trailer a couple of months ago.
Don’t even get me started on what’s happening at work!
As soon as one crises is settled, two more are heading my way.
I hate my life.
So, Coping 101 is going to have to go into effect. I can no longer live like this. I’ve got to figure something else out, because everything that means anything to me has been put on the wayside for too long and I don’t even know myself anymore.