A friend of ours died last week and his viewing/funeral was Monday. Howard has been a stalwart part of this community from long before I moved here. I actually remember their family from when I used to come over to Lyman when I was a child. We’d each take a week or so a couple times a summer to stay on the farm with Grandma and Grandpa Rollins. They just lived a hop and a skip up the road and were in the same ward. Of course, back then there was just the Lyman Ward and the Mt. View Ward.

Howard’s son, David, built his coffin. What an amazing show of love and support and reverence and adoration from his only son. It was shaped like the rustic hand-made coffins of old John Wayne movies. Shaped like the body, thin at the top and bottom, wider through the chest. It had horseshoes for handles and a lid with a harness. Their family brand was literally branded into the side. Howard had a blanket over him with a horseshoes print on in. His actual work boots were on the floor near the casket filled with colorful wildflowers.

Their entire family was at our ward on Sunday and since it was Fast Meeting, we basically had a funeral service for Howard on that day — so many people with memories of how he had affected their life in one way or another.

It was wonderful!

Made me think of my own family.

I am feeling quite deserted. I feel like, since Mom died, we haven’t kept in touch. We haven’t send birthday cards or made phone calls. We don’t see each other. Stop. Wait. Maybe the others are. They are closer and live in the Ogden/Layton area. Maybe they call and see and visit. I just know I don’t. And, I miss my siblings.

Every time I go to Logan I think of Louise. I think, I should go and see her. She only lives about 40 minutes from Mikelle.

Every time I go through Ogden, I think of Carol and Diane. Once in a while I call as I’m driving through.

I think of Eileen when I drive through Star Valley.

I see David’s family on facebook and play Words with Friends with several of his daughters.

I check out Jan’s Etsy store once a week or so.

But, thinking isn’t doing much. I’m sure my mother would be so sad that I haven’t kept in touch and haven’t kept up with what’s happening in my sibling’s lives. She did not raise us that way!

Reflecting is sometimes so dang painful. Reality is sometimes so dang painful.

You know what? I pray for my family. I pray for my brothers and sisters and their children and grandchildren. I pray that Heavenly father will help them through struggles and problems and discouragements and challenges. And, that He will fit his blessings to their exact needs. But, I honestly don’t know what any of those needs are.

That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

I want to be a better sister! I want to be a better Christian and a better disciple. I want to be a better friend. I want to be a better follower of what I know my mother taught her whole life. I want her to be proud of me.