Everything is back to normal. Kids are gone. Missing them already! I know I’ll miss their company and their adorable cuteness and all the hilarious things they say that entertain me. Back to work. Grass is growing and needs mowed. Basement needs an overhaul. Headaches are bothersome and getting a bit worrisome! Life moves forward. [But does it really? Cause I feel so dang stuck!] [Having the kids here for a week was such a nice distraction!]

Still wondering what is going on with my body that I am not losing weight.

Still wondering what I can/will do differently this week to get on a roll. Looking at the calendar, it is May 14! MAY 14TH, for crying out loud! What the heck is going on!!!!!! I have been talking about this 12-15 pounds for five months now! Surely, now that summer is nearly here, my body will kick into gear and my metabolism will change and I will be healthy and thin. [Um, well, thin anyway . . .]

I bought some new oils. Grapefruit drops that may or may not “help to control hunger when used as part of a healthy weight-management program.” Something called Ocotea, which is supposed to “help increase feelings of satiety and support my weight-management goals.” Also, multi-spectrum enzyme complex specially formulated to “enhance nutrient absorption by aiding the critically needed digestion of dietary fats, proteins, fiber, and carbohydrates.”

Surely those new things will make a huge difference in my life! For $108, surely they will make a difference. [You’ve heard that the diet industry is a 6 BILLION dollar a year industry? Well, people like me are the dummies that drive that number up every year.]

I also ordered some Candida Plus. Surely something is wrong with me that needs fixing! Surely if I get rid of all the yeast in my body I will lose weight.

Enough of that. Can I just accept that I’m going to weight 152 instead of 142 the rest of my life? I think they’ll still be able to carry my casket at that weight, even though I really want to weigh less when I die. Morbid!!! Hello!!!!

Maybe if I just eat less and move more I’ll get results.

Today, I’m getting back to the gym. I don’t think I’ve been there since mid-March.

Surely that’s the real problem here. Surely if I quit obsessing about this it will take care of itself. Or perhaps if I quit hating myself and start loving myself — extra weight and all — my life will be wonderful and enjoyable and peaceful and just dang OK! I don’t have to feel like I’ve let the entire world down just because I’m not in the weight range I’ve obsessed about for years.

Surely God still loves little cherubic me. Surely he isn’t going to give up on me just because I so easily give up on myself.

Surely I’m still worth being friends with. And, surely I can still type a post without having to beat myself up. We’ll see.

You know what! I’ve just totally [finally] worn myself right out with all this nonsense. Surely I will just give it a rest! How ridiculous this whole thing has been since January. I’m over it. I’m over myself and this petty self-absorbed concern about belly fat. That’s, after all, why they make mu-mus in the first place! I’m heading to Wal-Mart and getting myself a few flowered tent dresses to wear this summer. And not another word about 142.

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