30
Oct

numb

Wow. I don’t know where to start. I’ve been sick at my stomach for a couple of days now. And I can’t really process, blog, or write. I can’t even talk about it, because I don’t want to make the situation worse than it is. But I feel totally and completely nauseated and can’t figure out what to do or where to go from here. Usually, writing it out, looking it over, editing, looking again at it more clearly, thinking it through . . . helps.

But, this isn’t helping.

I don’t mean to be cryptic or secretive or make anyone curious. It’s just that I need to let it go and get over it. Some things just happen and get way out of control, spiral to ugliness and back, and when they do, you have to pick yourself up and hold it together.

That’s where I’m at. Holding it together.

Only I’m not.

Because I am eating everything in sight and falling asleep at 5 pm and waking up at midnight. I also had a monster headache yesterday and this morning. I’m barely going through the motions. I feel like throwing up.

My friend Becky heard the whole story and I could tell she is sick of all the drama/trauma/schlama.

I keep thinking, what would my mother have done? How would she have handled it? Surely she would have stuck up for what she believes and how she feels. Surely she would have demanded compliance. Surely she would have put her foot down. Surely she would have insisted on civility.

Or would she? Would she have just looked the other way? Would she have just spoken her peace and then forgotten it? I’m positive that whatever she would have done, it would have been the right thing.

Every part of me aches and tears keep coming when I’m least able to hide them. Thank goodness I have a house full of junk food to numb the pain.

One thought on “numb

  1. tracy

    Oh dear, mama. Here is a huge hug for you…

    {{{{{{{{Dorothy}}}}}}}}

    Hope can let the pain go and do what you need to do on your end to feel right and good about whatever it is. Food isn’t the answer…Jesus is.

Comments are closed.