12
Jan

back to gratitude

[It’s been a hectic week and I’m just getting back to this . . .]

Tracy said to “think of someone you know who has turned a trial into a blessing. What was their trial and how did they use it for their good and the good of others? Or think of one of your own trials and write about how it has become a blessing in your life.”

After I posted last week I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. Cameron! And Nicole!!!

If you don’t know by now, I had a couple of rocky roads. No! Not the Ice Cream, silly!  . . . although I’ve had a ton of that, too! No, my first, oh, twenty-five, some-odd-years were a little rocky. Not all of them. Just some and, still, there were lots of good times in there, too. But, let’s just skip to the Cameron part. He was born May 3, 1977 and was absolutely adorable. I was pretty much a mess at the time, first because I had lost a late second term baby on my birthday the year before and also had a marriage that was heading down the tubes. I knew it and he knew it. He had several many affairs. I was isolated back east in, first Pennsylvania and then Ohio, without family or friends. I only had my little family of Scott and Tracy. Long story short — my husband was actually having an affair at the time I gave birth to Cameron. He didn’t even show up to the hospital until two days later. I was a broken person! Broken! But, as God somehow manages to do, He fixed things when I fell in love with this new little guy and I enjoyed him so much. He had the most adorable big brown eyes, and stick straight brown hair. Big cheeks. Cute, cute little personality. He pretty much healed me.

Even longer story shorter: Fast forward to 1980 or so. I finally had what it took to say, “I’m going home to Wyoming. I don’t care if you come or not. I’m going.” My two sisters, Louise and Diane, had driven out the year before and loaded me and the three children up and we drove back to Wyoming. We stayed all summer long and when I went back to Ohio three months later I just couldn’t find the tiniest bit of happiness there. Sure, I worked at the YMCA. I taught dance. I had my faith and a great group of members in our little branch. I had my adorable children. But I did not have a marriage. I didn’t have a husband in any sense of the word. I wanted my real family. My Wyoming family. The summer of 1981 we moved back to Wyoming.

Fast forward again to 199– . . . I’m a little fuzzy here. All I know is that Cameron really needed his dad. [We had divorced several years earlier and he moved to Wisconsin.] He loved him and needed a strong male role model in his life. He left one summer while I was camping at Green River Lakes. Even though he told me he was only going for a visit, he didn’t come back. Tracy drove him to the airport and I didn’t see him again for a long long time. He move back to Wisconsin with his dad.

Here’s the good part.

My Mother died on December 16, 2008. It was a very sad time for all of us. It wasn’t entirely unexpected because she had been sick for about two weeks. But it was sad, just the same. Cameron called Tracy and said he was coming for the funeral. I pretty much fell apart. I still had a whole lot of hard feelings about the entire moving to Wisconsin thing. Can you believe it? I was still holding on to all of that. Somehow . . . SOMEHOW, all of those feelings have now disappeared. Somehow Cameron has come to visit us at least four other times since. He has also gone on a cruise with Scott and Stephen and met them in Las Vegas for some good times.

Somehow, all of hurt and anger and bitterness and tears have just evaporated. And, that is what I am so grateful for. That’s what I am writing in my new 2013 Gratitude Journal that I got for Christmas. Because I really can’t think of anything that has meant more to me than this great big fresh start. This gigantic new slate. This peace and love and hope and forgiveness and newness. YAY!

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And, then there’s Nicole. Oh my gosh. She is the most adorable, sweet thing I’ve ever seen. And brilliant! And she loves my Cameron. So Much! She is so sweet to him. They have a life together. They have so much fun! They do so many things! And she has family near them to visit and grow memories with. I’m sure most of my former pain and anger was born of guilt. I had prayed for years about Cam and prayed only that he would be safe and happy.

And, come to fine out . . . He’s Both!!!

#tossingmyhandsintheair# YAY! #likeeastondoeseverysingleday!#

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