1
May

speechless

I’m sitting here in the ice-cold basement trying to think of anything worthwhile to write about. I’ve read Tracy, Jess, Kat, and Jenn’s posts, Segullah, Time and Seasons, facebook, and written a few emails. I’ve thought for days of what I could write about that wouldn’t have anything to do with all of my recent [more than a year now!] weight-loss failures. I’m trying to think of something that doesn’t sound Church-y or preach-y. I’m trying to think of something safe.

It snowed today. May 1st! Shoot, I immediately went to the weather. The weather seems to come up in every conversation. Becky [my closest thing to a real friend!] and I talk about the weather after a few short sentences each morning. It’s a safe subject. Logan said the other day that I am always talking about the weather or the temperature in the house. [I didn’t realize . . .] I think back over phone conversations and somewhere along the line I always mention that it’s blowing, snowing or just annoying me. I talk about the moon and what phase it’s in. Sheesh, like that’s even important to anyone else!

Yep, that’s me. Nothing meaningful or deep. Just keep it light and meaningless. Because, then, I don’t have to be disappointed. I don’t have to really think too hard about who I am and who I’m not. [I’ve always said if anyone really knew me, they’d really hate me — oh boo-hoo, that was just pathetic!]

Sheesh. I’m so shallow and so superficial.

I just don’t like to go anywhere too deep. When I do, I always regret it. I like to keep things at arm’s length because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to invest, so that I don’t have to lose.

It’s a dilemma.

You’d think I could at least find something to say about punctuation!!! Notice how lazy I’ve gotten about using the Oxford comma!

I made three-and-a-half bean salad yesterday [this time the “half” is quinoa] and I forgot just how much I love it. There, that’s much more meaningful.

PS: 153. Sheesh. 141 is such a distant memory!