21
Jan

the tragedy of life

I had some time at work this morning and was looking through a few of last year’s posts. Oh my goodness!!!! I posted ten times in the entire year!!! And I have already posted 14 times just in this new month of January!!! Something was going on last year. See, I knew it. I was DOWN! [in the dumps!] I didn’t recognize it as I was going through all of that darkness, but now, from a year’s perspective I can see it more for what it was!

I think it all started when Leonard quit his job of 28 years back in December of 2014. Seriously, who does that? He was sick of his boss, sick of broken promises, and sick of working out in the cold on cement. So I can kind of see it. And then the fiasco with his ‘new job’ that turned out to not be a job for him after all. Months of laying in bed. Months of my house smelling like cigarettes. Months of snapping at each other over non-consequentials. Months of me eating all my emotions. Months of worry. Months of pain and frustration and fear and depression. Months of no exercise, no outlet, no endorphins, no happiness. Months of no prayers, no scriptures, no hope. Months of just plain wanting to die.

Yep, I’m not exaggerating. I really didn’t want to live back then.

Things change! I’m feeling pretty darn good right now. [I think I’ve mentioned that several times in the last 21 days or so . .]

The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live.

Yep, things are finally falling back into place. Now I can see what a broken person I was. [We’re all broken in one way or another, aren’t we?] I recognize that I wasn’t able to get out of that particular funk by myself. And now it’s mostly gone. Poof! It seems like I woke up and remembered a bad dream, but can now move on. It seems somewhat like an out-of body-experience. I have reason to believe that life will be better now . . that I will recognize in advance when something is heading my direction, and that I will be able to take steps to avoid a full on depression in the future.