16
May

i’ve written the same thing 10X ugh

[But this time it will be different, right?]

Oh, my goodness it completely amazes me how closely physical and emotional health are connected. I’ve known it for years, and I re-learn it every time I venture on a health quest. I realize it as my emotional health improves at the same degree my physical health does. And yet, it still catches me by surprise so many times.

I’ve been slackin’. Heck I’ve been slumping! I think in retrospect it’s because those 15 pounds came off so quickly. Like in 6-7 weeks I had lost 15 huge pounds. I had even gotten to 17 pounds for a couple of days and then I didn’t see any good news on the scale for months. Months!!! I got discouraged, I actually started feeling like a failure. Even though I had some pretty great non-scale successes. For example, I had moved from the first notch to the fourth notch on my belt. That’s something! And, I was sleeping better. But, I eventually started to beat myself up because the scale hadn’t moved for a while.

Boy howdy, then the scale did move after all . . . but it was moving up, not down. And I have been in a funk ever since. I felt like I was drowning and nothing was working for me. I kept starting over. I kept making promises to myself. I kept failing. And I binged, and got moody, and sulked and hated myself.

This is the story of my life, by the way.

Today is May 16 and I have been to the gym one time in May. May 7th. Ugh. I did go today [so, 2 X in May] and I am trying to convince myself all over again that I can do this. But will power really isn’t the answer. I hear the comparison all the time . . you would tell someone with cancer to just try harder. You don’t tell a person with heart disease that if they just pushed through the hard times, they could be successful.

[I remember sweet Andie sending me a long text saying a few years ago: I really miss your posts on your blog, but, Gramma, try to write something else . . . you don’t have to always write about your weight struggles.]

Sweetie, I wish I could think of something else. I really do.