Family reunions are sometimes harder than they need to be. I mean, they’re family, right?? Seriously, what’s the deal? I think I swapped places with one of my sisters who used to hate to go to reunions, and had some kind of phobia around lots of people. I, on the other hand, used to LOVE going to things like that . . the more the merrier; and I loved being in the middle of everything that was fun, loud, and crazy. And spontaneous, and kind of irreverent, and kind of obnoxious. WHAT??

Times have changed apparently. These last two reunions left me feeling slightly uncomfortable, and slightly out of place. Well, not so slightly, actually. I just wasn’t my usual self. I had a hard time saying,”Oh, fine, and how are you?” I found that easier than explaining how I really am just now, but at the same time, I felt like such a fraud.

I’m here to say I’m not totally fine!

To be totally fair, lots of things are fine! I go to work each day, I come home, I get a few things done, [usually the bare minimum] I mow the yard, I read and am totally able to function in lots of ways. I make a meal everyday. I talk to my kids. I read or study. I go to the temple. I go to church meetings. Laundry and dishes are done every day. [Seriously though, I haven’t vacuumed for two weeks, Yikes!!]

I find that I am checking out emails and phone records and catching people in lies. I’m like a super sleuth and I’m keeping track of things. That’s whats been on my mind lately. And I don’t like it one bit. I don’t like me one bit.

And I find that I am coping with food and spending and drama. Sheesh. Really don’t like any of those.

These two reunions should have been the highlight of my life! Especially the Smith Reunion two days ago in Evanston. Eileen went to enormous lengths to plan and prepare for an amazing time for all. And it was fun. I did enjoy! I just could have been more engaging and more involved.

I think it will be something I regret for a long long time.