doin’ da shuffle

My niece has been running. She is having a measurable amount of success and because I had been struggling, I wanted that for myself. So I ran.

Actually I shuffled. Thursday morning I shuffled around the pool, out front of the school in the bus lane, over to the Seminary building and around the back of the school shop and Ag area. Whew. I felt great! All energized and breathing deeply. I hurried and picked up the parking lot while I was out there and the area out back as well. Friday morning I thought I’d try it again. I shuffled out the front door. Ouch! What was that pain shooting in my right knee just below the knee cap. Oh yah. My torn knee where I had the scope. Ohmyheck! What is the sharp pain up the back of my butt and into my hips? OK, clearly this was not going to be an easy run jog shuffle. But I didn’t want to give up on my second day, so I continued. [Note to self: When something is hurting, s.t.o.p.] I went around the pool counter-clockwise and over to the FB field along the fence. I was in pain. I hurried and picked a bunch of garbage along the fence and headed in.

Here’s the important part. Saturday morning I could hardly walk! I limped around most of the day. It was our Health Fair/Business Expo/BVEA Annual Meeting at the high school and I worked nine hours on a really sore and swollen knee. I had found a patella support brace in the lost and found [ask any of my kids -- it's truly my favorite place to find almost anything] and put it under my pants to stabilize my knee and that seemed to help a titch.

I see my friend, Trish, running after school all the time. She swims in the morning and runs after classes. Amazing. And she looks great. Another friend, Jann, goes way overboard. She runs, bikes, swims and teaches aerobics. Crazy! My sister emailed that she and her daughter are doing the Weight Watcher 5 K walk in June. I’m so proud!

But, no. It’s time to admit to myself and everyone in the blogosphere. [Although I use to run a lot -- and even took second place in a 5 K in Toledo one year.] [My claim to fame!]

I’m not a runner. Back to strength training in the weight room for me. :[

idahooo

I’d love to say so far, so good, but I’ll say so far, pretty good. I’ve tried to weigh on Tracy’s scale that she [seriously] keeps in the bottom drawer of the bathroom under a tote bag. I’ve weighed everywhere between 139 and 143 each time I stand on the scale one right after the other. To say the least, the scale is inconsistent. I can’t say for sure if any of those numbers were correct, but I’m guessing I’m around 142,  judging from the way my pants and ring fit.

There’s more food here than I want. Monday night Tracy’s friend brought over dinner. It was a pasta dish with pieces of breaded and fried eggplant. It also had diced tomatoes, something green and a divine seasoning I’ve yet to identify. We’ve also had it for left overs several times and it was as delish then as at first. This morning we had homemade strawberry syrup on top of apple whole wheat pancakes. I hurried and ate an apple and orange so that I wouldn’t be tempted to eat four pancakes in a row! So only two. But the really great thing is, I’ve been strong and been able to resist many other temptations that seem to suddenly be in front of me. For instance, the kids went into Great Harvest yesterday when we were in Idaho Falls. I love Great Harvest. Even when I get a slice of [healthy, 5-ingredient] honey whole wheat I know it’s more than I want to eat because they slice off a hunk the size of Rhode Island and then I usually add the real butter and honey. So it’s just better for me to stay out of there. [Last week when I ran to Utah I had a slice and then had a huge raspberry and white chocolate chip scone which set me off for two days.] When we were all starving we toyed with the idea of going to Subway or another far superior sandwich place in Rigby, Gator Jack’s, but instead decided to go home and eat something already there. On the way we stopped at Maverick for a frozen yogurt for Keziah and I somehow was able to walk out of there without one for myself. Yay!

Exercise: This morning I worked on legs, doing 5 sets of hydrants X 20, bridge push-ups, abs on the ball, Pilates for abs and 40 push ups. Yay, again. I hate when people say they don’t have time for exercise. Or worse, when they say they don’t have anything to exercise with. Seriously, exercise with the weight of your own body.

I was just looking for a picture of Jorge’s hydrant exercises for my niece, but found this cool picture instead, of two of my favorite people together. You can’t go wrong listening and living as these two promote. They practice what they preach and are both in fantastic shape and health.

Off to making a display for Tracy’s Baby and Pregnancy Fair. Last night she made four darling rice socks for give-aways and today she has lots of work and finishing touches on brochures and signs. So Fish and Annes and I are heading to Gator Jacks, today, for a turkey and avocado and sprout ensemble. Then off to the movies with the girls — Alice in Wonderland.

Off with her head!

what i did instead of stuffing

OK. For your eyes only!

It’s 8:30 p.m. and I just did 40 push ups and 100 ab exercises, a combination of sit ups, the plank, core rolls, the superman and recumbent toe touches.

Haven’t done them for weeks! I finally made myself get off the couch!

Feel so dang good!

Tonight — the first time in a long time — I’ve resisted all TV-watching-junk-food. No ‘low-calorie’ Swiss cheese [it's all gone!] No 95% fat free kettle corn. No dark and bitter cacao! No chips from the top of the fridge [again, all gone!]

Just two apples and an orange.

Don’t know where the intestinal fortitude came from to do it right tonight; I’m just tickled it came at all.

[Yay! I'm not a total hypocrite today!]

big bully

Three days in a row. I’ve managed to drag myself into the weight room. Monday and this morning, legs and abs. Tuesday arms. I’m feeling pretty good.

Yah, I can say that now. Now that I’m done for the day. But getting myself in there is h.a.r.d. I swear I start talking myself out of it the minute I climb out of bed. Busy day. Lot’s to do. Don’t really feel all that good. Ate healthy yesterday so I don’t really need to. Sick and tired of it. I’ll never look like forty again so why bother. I’ll do it tonight when I get home from work. I’m good enough for a sixty year old. I promise I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it twice tomorrow!

I should know better by now. I can’t trust myself!

Tomorrow comes and I don’t feel any more like exercising than I did today. Gone are the days when I looked forward to every workout. Gone are the days when the hope of an endorphin high was enough to get me in there at 5:30 every morning.

So right now I have to depend on shear will power. And I practically have to bully myself to do it. But if that’s what it takes, I’m OK with it. I can bully myself. I have to remind myself what it felt like twenty pounds heavier. I have to remind myself what those size 34 pants looked like. I have to remind myself about my flag-waving arms when I lead the music in RS. I have to remind myself what my thighs and stomach looked like when I climbed out of the shower or sat on the you-know-what. YIKES. Enough to make a grown woman run, not walk, down the sports hallway and into the weight room. [That's my cardio! and then I'm all ready to pump my 4 X 20's.] So, yup, I’m a bully! Because when I’m done, when I turn off the lights, walk out and shut the door, I feel great! I feel mildly energized — not totally wiped out.

I’m more tired before I exercise than I am twenty minutes later.

Ironic!

And you must know by now how I love irony!

[143 this morning.]

a fool's hope

Ok, reality bites a tiny bit. After gaining, and measurements [ugh] and too-tight pants I’m so ready to get back on track. So far, two good [excellent] days in a row! It was so frightening to be so out of control so quickly — and right after a couple of good weeks. Wow. Many ‘so‘s in those sentences.] I had been sailing along at 140-141, clothes fitting great. I was exercising regularly and making good food choices, [made it through the five Christmas parties] and then * * *k.a.b.o.o.m * * *

And the weird thing is, I made it through Christmas and even New Years. But the day after that I [somehow] gave myself permission to pork out. And the combination of having not exercised regularly and eating like a sink hole, with my fat cells wide [Pac-Man like] open, the fat just glommed on. It found a home on my stomach and thighs!

I’m so disgusted.

But the scale is slowing and consistently heading back down. This morning I’m 141. Now I need to get the measuring tape back where it was, and that only comes from one thing. Exercise!

This is like so many other things that never stay done. Dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming. It’s a daily chore! You fall into that false hope that when you DO something it will remain DONE. Not so. I’m here to tell ya!

I’ve been reading Emily Watts’ Take Two Chocolates and Call Me in the Morning. In her chapter ‘Quit Trying to Finish the Laundry,’ she explains it’s a fool’s hope! Most of us live in denial of the fact that so many of the tasks of our lives partake of this cyclical, unfinished nature. We like closure. We like to finish things! And so we live in mild despair, feeling as though we’re never accomplishing anything because nothing seems to stay accomplished!

She continues: I think the first step we need to take is to let go of our denial and accept the fact that as long as we’re alive and kicking there are some jobs that will have to be done again and again. Knowing that this is the way the world works, we can then set about asking ourselves what we can gain from it.

One immediately evident benefit of the phenomenon of never-finished business is that it teaches us to value process over product. Since ‘products’ seem to be few and far between, whereas ‘process’ is with us every day, it makes sense that we’ll be happier if we can learn to relax and enjoy doing as much as we enjoy finishing.

This is crazy-foreign to me. I rarely allow myself to enjoy the process. I’m for getting things done and believing they should stay that way. Sometimes I openly rebel because I can’t accept that dust appears every single day. I say to myself almost everyday: No I refuse to dust! I already dusted a couple of weeks ago and since nobody lives here anymore, it shouldn’t need dusting again so soon!

I do try to get dishes and laundry done every day, but dusting? Vacuuming? No.

Daughter, Mikelle, on the other hand, does both — sometimes twice a day! I’m telling you crazy-foreign!

But back to exercise. I know! I truly know and understand I need to exercise at least three times a week. Every single expert and semi-expert [and pseudo-expert] on the face of the earth is telling us this — wherever you look! It’s on every talk show, every radio show, every women’s magazine, every reality show. It’s in everyone’s N.Y.’s resolution. I even hear it in church from the pulpit.

So, yah, I know. I just thought for a minute that I could get a way with not doing it for a while. Kind of like dusting and vacuuming.

I’m heading up right now for hydrants and leg lifts and one-thousand-fifty-three crunches while I watch the Today show.

dishes

I love doing dishes. Well that’s not entirely true. I love having the dishes done.

Doing dishes, for me, has always served a double purpose. For example, when we are camping I insist on washing dishes every single meal for the ten-day period because I want my hands clean! It’s the only time I can really get under those nails, get the pine sap and soot off.

When I’m at home I want the dishes done because I hate the clutter. I want the dishes either in the cupboard or in the dishwasher. I’m still trying, after 23 years, to train hubby to put them in the dishwasher or at the very minimum, to at least check and see if they fit in there. [But no.]

I’m at Tracy’s for a few days and just woke up to last night’s dishes in the sink, on the cabinet and stove. I washed them all and laid them out on a towel to dry. I wash here for two reasons. To get rid of the clutter — she has an enormous amount of dishes with four children and three meals a day — it just, logically, all backs up. And second to keep warm! Their water heater is turned to 180 degrees but the house is usually around sixty. They are all very hearty people and used to the cooler temperature in their all-electric home. I’m sure it costs about the same as a monthly house payment to keep this place warm in the winter so I can understand why the heat is low. But every chance I get to turn on the hot water and keep my hands there for twenty minutes I take it.

It wreaks havoc with my manicure, but it’s very utilitarian. The greater good, you know.

So it is with everything else. I was thinking of how it fits with eating healthy and exercise. You can probably make the leap yourself . . .

Even though I love it when I’m in the groove, [when I start to crave daily exercise and wouldn't go a day without] I don’t particularly like to exercise right now after not doing it consistently and mindfully the last 2-3 weeks. [It's a lot like starting over.] But I did exercise yesterday right on Tracy’s livingroom floor — I did 100 abs and the whole round of hydrants and back leg lifts. Then I did squats on the wall for three 30-second holds. [killer!] And I love-hated the feeling throughout the day when my muscles were actually aching. [It's been a while since I felt that.]

I have to make myself do it. Yesterday legs and abs, this morning arms and chest. I have to make myself until I want to exercise. I have to live as though I’ve got it all together until I get it all together!

This morning I added some core exercises because I’ve known for some time I needed to. Can I just say it hurts every part of my body to try to hold myself up on my elbows and toes for 30 second increments. My back hurts, my tummy hurts and of course my elbows and toes ache like crazy! But it’s for the greater good. Evidently this group of muscles steadies the frame and keeps everything lined up properly. “When the core muscles are weak, other muscles have to compensate and take over functions they weren’t designed to perform, so they can’t work at their peak efficiently and they get stretched in unnatural ways.” [This from my new book, I Hate it When Exercise is the Answer.]

Dishes. Exercise.

I do each because I like what it produces. Not the process. It’s the end I’ve got in mind. No pun intended.