becky

I have a friend I’ll call Becky — because her name is Becky and I don’t have any reason to try to camouflage it with an alias.

She and I have worked together for about 15 years. She and I have had our ups and downs [years ago!] but for the last 12 or so she has been a dear friend. She’s a confidant, a counselor, a mentor, and example. She is amazing! She has so much work ethic, stamina, self-discipline, self-motivation. She goes the extra mile every single day.

And this week, while I was camping, she and her son Shawn, mowed my lawn a couple of times and watered so I didn’t have to come home to an over-grown, scraggly and burnt-brown lawn.

I daresay I love this woman like a sister.

We have so much in common: husbands who kind of make us crazy, husbands who kind of make us cross, kids who go astray every now and then, we sit in church alone, we do our callings and jobs, we do the bulk of all the housework at home, we get frustrated about the same guy at work who takes advantage and uses the system to get whatever he wants — you know who you are! We talk to each other and listen to each other, hug each other, and support each other. We’ve commiserated and celebrated and laughed and cried and supported and loved each other.

But.

Because it’s part of my makeup to push away when I get too involved, I’ve pretty much sabotaged our friendship over the years. When I feel us getting too personal or too sensitive or too enmeshed, I do something stupid to hurt or upset her. I say something careless or thoughtless. Or I prematurely walk away in the middle of a conversation. I  don’t understand why! It’s like I’m claustrophobic and can’t let myself get too close.

I’m really tired of this character flaw!

I know people who have great friendships. They travel together and call each other every day. They lunch together and go to movies. I have a friend, Holly, who goes on trips with her three best friends. These are friends from high school who support and love each other through all kinds of trouble and frustrations. I joined facebook so I could find some old high-school friends and keep in touch, but I tired of it within a couple of months. And my stake president counselled us all to not spend so much time on there. So I didn’t connect with anyone particular.

My daughter, Tracy, has a gazillion friends. Really close friends. And I seriously don’t understand how that is even possible!

Of all the people I associate with and know, I think Becky is really the only person I would call a close friend. One day Mikelle asked me if I had a friend. Seriously, she had to ask. Ouch! I said, Oh my goodness, yes. There is Terry and Cheryl and Mary and Marla and Andi and Kay and Trish and Pauline, and Holly and Susan and Mrs. Eyre and Keri and Lisa and Tami and Ruth and Blanche and Robin and Karen and blah, blah blah. She saw right through that and said, I mean a really good friend . . . .

Becky is who I texted when I got back in town.

Becky is who I called the minute I got her text back.

Becky is who I talked to on the phone for half an hour about a situation at work.

Becky is who said, come and see me today.

So yah, I have a friend! A dear friend. And I’m not going to be embarrassed about it anymore.

friend

[frend] Show IPA

—Synonyms
1. comrade, chum, crony, confidant. See acquaintance. 2. backer, advocate. 4. ally, associate, confrere, compatriot. 5. Becky Davidson!

Thelma Rose

Mikelle’s dear friend and resident where she has been working the past year and a half passed away. It was never Thelma, always Thelma Rose.

This amazing, wonderfully warm friend made a huge impact on my daughter’s life and on her heart. And I will always be grateful for that. Thelma Rose had very few moments of clarity, reality or moments in the present.  She rambled on about past memories, past experiences and brought them right into today as though she were currently participating in some adventure or mystery. But she loved Mikelle. And Mikelle adored her!

I’d call her or text and ask what she was doing and inevitably Mikelle was doing Thelma Rose’s hair, her nails, rubbing her feet, laughing with her, making home movies or just sitting side-by-side on the couch chatting or watching So You Think You Can Dance. This is a nursing/retirement home! [They'd all say "You call that dancing?!?]

One day Mikelle called me and said that Thelma Rose had had a few minutes of total clarity and she told Mikelle in the sweetest, most personal and earnest way. “I want you to get your life together, Mikelle, so we can spend all of Eternity together in heaven!”

Oh my goodness. It broke my heart and made my day all in one moment of clearness.

Thelma Rose told Mikelle what I’ve been telling her for years, only it sunk in when Thelma Rose said it. Thank you Thelma Rose. Thank you for loving Mikelle. Thank you for including her in your life. Thank you for sharing your smile and laughter with her. Thank you for warming and expanding her heart. Thank you for including her in your expectations. Thank you for encouraging her to get it together!

Love you Thelma Rose! Rest well. See you in heaven!

finally feeling

I’ve been pretty grumpy this season. [I try hard to not show it or to let everyone know, but I can feel it inside.] I’m not sure what it is or what it means. Maybe it means I’m getting old and tired of all the hype. Maybe it means I’m tired of the ads and vendors and retailers. Perhaps I’m tired of expectations and ‘shoulds.’ I know I’m tired of spending money.

Anyway.

Today we had a wonderful lesson in Relief Society. Then we had an equally wondeful Sacrament service. Some of my favorite people took part in the program and it was precisely what I needed to soften this old stoney heart and realize the blessings of The Season. The Primary sang, Olivia sang, the men’s choir sang. Merlin and Clinton spoke.

But what melted my heart was hearing Mary Anderson sing ‘O Holy Night.’

Oh my goodness.

This woman is already one of my favorite people. She is already such an example of giving, sharing, doing good works, family, motherhood. She is already an inspiring teacher and speaker. She is already all I ever want to be. But to hear her sing puts me in another dimension. I swear the veil parts and I hear angels. I see goodness in the world. I see hope and charity. I feel my faith and testimony expand.

I’ve lived in this valley nearly thirty years and for the first twenty Mary sang every Christmas. But she hasn’t lately and I’ve missed it. I’d nearly given up ever hearing her beautiful rendition because she’s actually said she’s through with public singing.

I don’t know who convinced her to sing one more time. I don’t know who had to beg. But I’m so grateful I was there, on my second-row bench, sobbing with gladness and overcome with emotion as she sang every note, the special ornamentation she added to the last few words ‘O night divine’ and the reverence she conveyed to each of us in the chapel today.

Truly, my life has been changed by hearing her sing these words. Truly, I now feel the Christmas Spirit.

Thank you, Mary.

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our friend!

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!