usgov

My eyes have been opened – - w.i.d.e.

Last Monday I did my first day of enumeration. I’ve been working all week in an area called Homestead and I’ve seen everything from poverty to drugs, to abuse, to unlawful acts of inebriation. Dogs are everywhere. Hundreds of barking growling, mean, jumping, charging dogs. Filth. Hoarding. Automobile junkyards. It’s crazy. It’s sad. It’s disgusting.

And right in the middle of all this chaos and sadness and loss and hopeless was a little family of seven that lived in a clean, uncluttered home with order and kindness. The young mother was polite, helpful, respectful. She was cooking a homemade meal. I loved her. I admired that she was able to make a lovely home from the little she had.

This job is a contradiction in itself. The government is spending 6 billion dollars to enumerate it’s people. It is wasteful, ridiculous, duplicitous, inconsistent. For example, my boss told me she drove to Cheyenne to have a four-hour fingerprint training and was paid over $800. $51 per Diem, mileage, hourly pay, hotel. What a waste of money. Especially when they had fingerprint training 52 miles away in Green River. I’m so frustrated.

And yet here I am, continuing to work and collecting my little paycheck. I keep thinking, if the government is throwing away money, I’m fine with them throwing it in my direction.

Hypocrite. I’m just as bad as all of them. I’m wanting to fill up my savings account so that I’m a little more prepared for what is bound, still, to be coming. What the government, itself, is causing to still be coming.

No. I’m not proud.

all there is

Goodness! I’ve neglected my posting. I’ve neglected my health and wellness. I’ve neglected myself for a few days.

But have I ever worked! Seems I’m logging about 60 hours a week lately with my regular job, scoring for middle and high school games, and driving an afternoon school bus occasionally; and that’s not counting laundry, dishes, cleaning, and studying. I’ve also worked on our taxes for several hours. I did finish Stephen’s and got those e-filed!

I need to figure a way to get ‘me’ back in the picture.

I’ve been reactive, not active. And it has shown up in my attitude, my emotions, my eating, my weight and my energy level.

Tuesday I hurried home between work and a freshman game I needed to score and made banana bread ‘for hubby’ [that's what I told myself!] who is laid up after his knee replacement surgery on the 4th. I’ve always added walnuts to this near-famous recipe and this time I threw in a half cup of mini chocolate chips in one loaf. But he said he didn’t care for those flavors together so. . . I ate the entire loaf, myself, over a period of three days. Oh havok!

Not the kind of singleminded commitment I want to focus on. So I couldn’t very well post when I was feeling crappy about myself and my eating choices!

Oh, I’ve thought about what I would write if I were, indeed, posting. Had whole conversations in my head about it. But just never took the time to sit down and gather my thoughts and write something encouraging, something I’ve learned about myself, something I could say to keep you on track. Because I was feeling guilt. I was feeling like a hypocrite.

I somehow did have the commitment to get in four good days of exercise and weighed every day; and other than the banana bread, I ate fairly healthy. I bought raw pumpkin seeds this weekend, as well as coconut oil and chocolate whey powder, so I’m looking forward to incorporating those in my eating plan. I think about my health every day, but can see I’m not as focused as I used to be when I was really losing weight and struggling toward my goal of 141 pounds.

But, now, I’m missing something in the equation. I’m missing the thrill of seeing those pounds and inches melt away. I’m missing the compliments [which in turn tend to encourage better and healthy self-care] and I’m missing the thrill of reaching a weekly goal.

Let’s face it. Maintaining a goal is pretty boring compared with actually seeing results and hearing all the oohs and ahs and how did you do it, and way to go’s!

Is this why we tend to gain back our weight? Is this why we lose interest and focus and commitment and drive and stamina and energy and determination? Is this where I’m at?

Is this all there is?

I’m wanting more.

i’m no math major

Still talking about Reader’s Digest. This month’s magazine is chuck full of answers and solutions for any problem you’ve ever had [or ever will have in the forseeable future] with regard to weight, diet, exercise, eating healthy, shopping healthy, snacking healthy, fiber. . .

I kid you not!

Here is a sampling of what is in just this ONE issue:

10 Ways to Control Your Cravings
5 Tips to Beat Hunger
6 Strategies to Tame Your Appetite
19 Weight Loss Secrets from Around the World
8 Dietary Downfalls and Solutions
9 Delicious Avocado Recipes
6 Ways to Follow the Mediterranean Diet
13 Secrets About Your Weight
5 Great Ways to Get Moving
7 Tricks to Drop Pounds
4 Ways to Eat Better and Spend Less
29 Ways to Slip in More Fiber
5 healthy Snacks for 100 calories
7 Ways to Eat Well at Work
11 Ways to Include Lean Protein
25 Tips to Order Healthy Choices at Any Restaurant

Holy Toledo!

What are they thinking? This qualifies for OVERload, Doncha think!!! They make it sound like there are [quick calculation . . .] roughly 170 ways to get yourself under control and so obviously there is no excuse for not getting it together. [Because they've obviously given us every single answer!] The way I interpret it is I’m a failure before I even start on the sixth list of figuring out how to eat an avocado. [ObViOuSlY!!!!!] [That's my sarcastic sing-song voice. My heads is going back and forth and my right-pointer finger is wagging, as well.]

I remember being so drawn to these kinds of lists. If there were four magazines on the coffee table at Jiffy Lube where I had a twenty-minute wait, I’d always [nonchalantly] grab the one that had “Lose 210 Pounds in Just Four Weeks, and Eat all You Want!” Of course I would try to hide what I was [obviously] reading about because I didn’t want the other [total strangers] people to know I had a weight problem [as if a casual glance in my direction wouldn't tell them most of that information anyway.]

I’m just saying . . .

It makes me crazy that they think we’re so predictable. All they have to do is make a list with the words ‘lose’ or ‘diet’ and a bunch of numbers in it and we’re suckers for the magazine.

What I’d like them to know is a little respect, a little encouragement, a little compassion goes a long way. I know how stinking hard it is to lose weight and to get up everyday with e.x.e.r.c.i.s.e [still] hanging over my head. I know sometimes diet and exercise works and sometimes it just doesn’t. I know how hard it is to hang onto even a one-pound success. I know how hard it is to not eat the whole dang box of those little “100 calories” [pretend-healthy] snacks when other people somehow manage to just eat the one allocated for 11:00 am or 2:00 pm.

It’s hard. It’s just plain hard.

And I resent that magazines [even Reader's Digest] can just make a list with a magic number in front of it and it makes us hope that this time, THIS TIME, it will be different.

comments

I read several blogs. NieNie, Balancing Everything, Second Wind, Travis, C Jane, Hey Shelby, Wet Oatmeal Kisses, The Lazy Organizer, Emily Watts, Apron Girls. I may not find time to read every day, but I try to keep up with what’s happening. I at least skim over them and if there’s something I’m interested in I stop and read. And I comment.

I’m always amazed at the number of comments they have. The number of readers!

My daughter, the new Mrs. Hull, said the other day that she reads Weighing Matters every single day. She said she loves it. She laughs with me, she cries with me. I said “Really? Why don’t you ever comment?” She said “I don’t know how!”

So I told her how. I said just go to the bottom of that particular post and click COMMENTS and share your thoughts. Simple as that!

So five days in a row I’ve checked to see if there’s a comment. But no. This from a girl who talks a lot, has an opinion on many things, has set her own mind about everything her whole life, is Miss Independent, and who now has access to a computer every single day!

Maybe she’s afraid of embarrassing herself, but, seriously, what could be more embarrassing than having your mother have to beg for a comment?

[If you don't want to comment using your own name and email, could you at least establish a couple of other fake emails and pretend you are someone else and comment once in a while? I'd even be OK with that.]

Love you!

do not confuse motion and progress

My quest for b.e.t.t.e.r. What happened? I had set so many worthwhile, workable, working, successful goals. Writing this blog has helped. Eating healthy was a part of my daily life. Exercise was in my blood, under my skin. I was down a size, down seven inches for Pete’s sake. And then I got, what? Over confident? Lazy? Complacent? Careless? Negligent? Yes, all of those, and more. I hadn’t read my blog for ten days. Hadn’t read ANYthing encouraging or uplifting or inspiring. Hadn’t posted for ten days. Hadn’t eaten healthy for ten days. Exercised a little.

“Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.”

Today is Friday, June 5th. I had an aMAYzing MAY. It’s time to take an honest look at what I’ve accomplished and realize [once again] [Holy Cow! This could go on forever!] that

“Being overweight is hard…..
Losing weight is hard……
Maintaining your weight is hard…..
Pick your hard.”

Ahem. I’m tired and worn from a week of ten hour days and eating unhealthy and, yet, I KNOW what I need to do. Overestimating the length of time and the difficulty of a project is what keeps most of us from attempting to start. Maybe that is what is holding me up, wearing me out. So stop overestimating and just start again. Just behave as though I know what I can accomplish.

Tra` la` la`

I’m starting to wonder, has the fat lady sung? [Pun intended!] I lost so well for the first two weeks and now I’ve been at a near standstill for days! Surely it’s not the dreaded plateau so soon? If I’m going to be really honest with myself [and that's what I said I would do from day one of this journal] I have to admit that recently I’ve been occasionally lax in my effort to follow ‘the plan.’ I’ve given myself a ‘break’ [oh pulEASE!, give ME a break!] and said, “Hey, I’ve done so well, so quickly and surely I deserve  . . . whatever.” [el~big~mistake~o.]

*Time to reevaluate, keep moving, and simply reaffirm my commitment to my weight-loss plan, and move forward! I’ve steamed the cauliflower and sliced the cantaloupe, so no excuses for the evening.

Losing weight is simple. I didn’t say it is EASY, but it is simple. Eat smarter, move more, follow good healthy guidelines and find a support system. Simple as that. Now, if only I didn’t have to sing a solo.

deja vu

Déjà vu (pronounced  /?de???? ?vu?/ (help·info); French  /de?a vy/ (help·info) ”already seen”; is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the near past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain.

Been here, ate that!

I’ve been to this place so many times, each time promising myself – and a host of others – that this weight is gone for good. I’ll never have to worry about this particular ten pounds again. It’s fresh in my mind just how much effort went into losing 10 big ones. All the careful planning, no eating after 7 PM, umteen sit ups, hydrants and crunches. I’ll feel great, look great. I’m standing taller and straighter, feel confident and satisfied with myself. And then I lose my resolve, just like that! I actually begin to feel entitled to a little extra junk dessert or bread or cheese or snack. I say, “This little bit won’t matter at all. I deserve it. I’ve done so well. I can get right back on the plan.” UGH! You would think after two hundred and twenty nine times I would have learned by now! I know better!

I know my fat cells are wide-open right now, releasing some of their holdings when I am doing it right. And gaping wide open ready to scoop up any garbage that swishes past them when I’m not. [Exactly why so many of us lose ten pounds and immidiately gain 15!] And until I lose what I need to and close up those big clappers [with common sense and a tried- and-true maintenance plan] I’ve got to be careful and conscientious and deliberate about what I put in my mouth.

I got out my WW book #1 to refresh and recommit – read the whole thing in about 20 minutes. There is SO much good information. I’m convinced that members need to read these booklets every single day to keep in mind what we signed up for, what we paid for, what we want for ourselves and our health. I often take note that members are overly concerned about getting their weekly booklet, yet they don’t ever take them out of their bag to read the material. I’ll sneak a peak at their book several weeks later and it is still in pristine condition!

To truly succeed, we need to make this second nature! Successfully losing weight and keeping it off is not an activity to do for a few weeks and then stop!

Love this:

“Don’t give up what I want most for what [I think] I want right now.”

“More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.”  ~John Kenneth Galbraith

“Fatty foods are like destiny:  they too, shape our ends.”  ~Author Unknown

calorie bombs

Food is information so what you eat and when you eat it is going to tell your body to either store fat or burn fat.

This is why the kinds of snacks we eat are so important! If we choose a sugary snack — say those little 100 calorie snacks presently flooding the marketplace — here’s what happens:

We raise our blood sugar, we raise our insulin, and the message we get for our body is, honey, store fat!

You say, but it’s only 100 calories! But I say, it’s 100 calories of garbage! And it’s trigger food which will likely prompt you to eat another, and then another of the little 100 calorie bombs, or go to something even bigger, say the carrot cake sitting on the cabinet.

Better, by far, to eat an orange, and apple, some strawberries drizzled with coconut oil [just a touch] and sprinkled with chopped walnuts.