sleep

The Life of an Overeating, Under-sleeping, Under-active, Middle aged,
Health-seeking Woman with a Need to Blog

I fall asleep almost every night on the couch. Depending on when I arouse, usually nine or ten o’clock, I make my way into the bedroom trying very hard to not wake myself all the way up. Or else I’ll lay in bed unable to fall back asleep.

It used to drive me nuts when my mom and dad fell asleep in their recliner chairs watching Lawrence Welk or Perry Mason. Later they watched Hawaii Five-Oh and Jeopardy. They laid there with crooked necks and mouths hanging wide open, a little line of drool just dropping off the bottom lip. I’d think, “Why don’t you just go to bed for Pete’s sake! You do this every single night. It can’t possibly be doing you any good. Go to bed and get some quality sleep.”

Now it’s me. I’ve grown into my parents! I pile up the couch pillows and get all comfy to watch NCIS reruns, fully intending to watch all the way through. But pretty quickly I hear a snort and startle myself back into awareness. I rewind NCIS to where I must have dozed off and get all comfy again, only to wake myself up fifteen or so minutes later. Some nights I go through this same scene three or four times before I decide I’m too tired to watch TV. On my way to bed I glance at the clock and mentally calculate how many hours I have til it’s time to get up for work. Let’s see, 10 to 4 a.m. is six hours. Crap. I should have gone to bed sooner!

It takes me a while to get the temperature right. I sleep with one foot out. I like to slide my foot around until I find a cool place. And I get up in the middle of the night to open the window, even though I can hear every single car and semi that passes by. The sand hill cranes and geese are really noisy right now too. We live across a dirt road from a river and a little pond where birds of all migratory practices seem to stop over on their way to various destinations, spring and fall.

I usually have to use the bathroom twice a night. I try not to wake up fully. The dogs bark several times through the night and Jack wants out as well. I’m pretty sure I don’t get many REM’s.

About two or three a.m. I start noticing the digital. I think, OK, I still have an hour or an hour and a half. Try, try to relax and fall asleep. Then I start blogging in my head! I have all sorts of long conversations about what I could possibly post. It is not restful! It is not sane. It is not practical. It is not healthy.

Researchers found that people who sleep two to four hours a night are 73% more likely to be obese than those who get seven to nine hours. Those who get five hours of sleep a night are 50% more likely to be obese than normal sleepers. Those who sleep six hours are 23% more likely to be obese.

And the researchers reported those who get 10 or more hours are 11 % less likely to be obese!

In a way, the latest findings seem counterintuitive because most people think that sleeping too much contributes to making people fat, but they found the opposite is true.

They believe that sleep-deprived people eat more because they are hungrier, they’re awake longer and may be temped by foods everywhere they go. They often consume far more calories than they burn in the extra hours they’re awake.

If I could just go to sleep at 7 p.m. every night this week in my own bed I can get off these last couple pounds! I could be in the group of people who get ten hours of sleep and are 11% less likely to be obese!

No better still, I will wire my mouth shut, and do sit ups while I watch NCIS. Then I’ll be actively burning calories, it will keep me awake so I can get through the show in the usual 22 minutes and not three hours of rewinding and starting it over. And I’ll get to bed by 8 or 8:30 so I can sleep a healthy eight hours before getting up at 4:30.

Sounds like a plan.

s.i.g.h.

week in review

March 1: 146
March 2: 145
March 3: 144.5
March 4: 143.5
March 5: 142
March 6: 141.5
March 7: 142

Good enough!

love love love

Love these three things –

I’m trying on a few new makeups. I’ve always loved L’Oréal and Clinique but I’ve gotta tell you I love this new blush and concealer by Cover Girl.

It’s all about the texture. So creamy and smooth and moist. Cover Girl and Olay recently teamed up for a gorgeous line of swirled cream products that I am loving! [But be sure to keep the lid on very tight. I've heard the biggest complaint is that it dries out quickly.]

Available in four shades these bold and creamy blushes apply so easily with just a swipe of the finger and blend in beautifully. I bought two colors, Royal Plum, because I always buy plum in Clinique’s blushes, and Rich Cinnamon.

[I'm remembering that day in December when two of my favorite people were trying stick concealer for the first time and slightly resembled Aborigine warriors at a tribal celebration.]

I put on my regular make up base [L'Oréal] and then lightly dab on the concealer under my baggy eyes with my ring finger [presumably because it's the finger with the least strength and so it doesn't pull the skin as much.] Then dab on the blush and blend it in. Voila!

The best I can do for almost sixty!

Also loving the Ghirardelli Intense Dark™ chocolates.

It’s the best medical news in ages. Studies in two prestigious scientific journals say dark chocolate — but not white chocolate or milk chocolate — is actually good for you. It needs to contain at least 70% cacao. Of course that doesn’t give anyone persmission to binge on the dark stuff. One square! If health is your excuse for eating chocolate, remember the word “moderate” as you nibble.

i give me a six!

I’m missing me. I’m missing the person who makes exercise a priority every day. I’m missing the feeling of a tight tummy and that little ache in the back of my arms the day after a good workout. I’m missing the commitment and feeling of pride and accomplishment that naturally follows taking care. Of me.

Sure I’ve worked 60 hours plus the last three weeks. Sure my husband had a total knee replacement and has required extra care. Sure I have a lesson coming up next Sunday, have spent time on taxes, did the presentation in our maintenance/custodial meeting yesterday. But where am I in all of this. Why did I ignore my own personal and physical needs? Why did I go to the back of the line, the bottom of the pile?

I didn’t even make it two days concentrating on getting all my protein in, like I “committed to” just last post! Ugh! Grr!

Am I so accustomed to ignoring myself, putting myself last, that it comes so naturally I don’t even have to think about it — and don’t even realize or recognize it until long after the fact?

It hasn’t been that long since I was my own best friend. I was number one on my list of things to do. But over time I’ve forgotten me. I’ve gotten lazy, slipped back into getting everything done for everyone else and thought — I’ll get to me later.

Well, it’s later.

My weight is bouncing around. I’m having a hard time stabilizing it. I’m having a hard time resisting those late evening snacks in front of the TV– the few minutes I’ve had to catch up on the Olympics or a few minutes of news.

I’ve been as high as 144 this week, but was back to 142 this morning. I know my measurements have taken a hit, my clothes are tighter. I’m sluggish.

And I’m tired.

Physically tired. But also tired of feeling emotionally wiped out. Tired of knowing how much it takes to take care. Tired to realize this is something I have to. do. for. ever!

But ever determined, I keep telling myself after Regional Basketball I will have time to devote to myself again. I’ll have time to exercise everyday, plan menus, eat healthy.

Am I just kidding myself? Have I slipped in my own ratings?

calorie bombs

Food is information — so what you eat and when you eat it is going to tell your body to either store fat or burn fat.

This is why the kinds of snacks we eat are so important! If we choose a sugary snack — say those little 100 calorie snacks presently flooding the marketplace — here’s what happens:

We raise our blood sugar, we raise our insulin, and the message we get for our body is, “Honey, store fat!”

You say, but it’s only 100 calories! But I say, it’s 100 calories of garbage! And it’s trigger food which will likely prompt you to eat another, and then another of the little 100 calorie bombs, or go to something even bigger, say the carrot cake sitting on the cabinet.

Better, by far, to eat an orange, and apple, some strawberries drizzled with coconut oil [just a touch] and sprinkled with chopped walnuts.

oh my goodness!

I was looking for my old list of Ways to Measure Success Without the Scale [how clothes fit, energy, skin, emotions, attitude, sleep, stamina, appearance, feel healthy, notice positive changes, etc.] and decided to do a quick measurement and I’ve lost another few inches. And, by darn, I’m going to count it as another success! [Anything to stay out of the kitchen and away from hubby's pie.] Last time I measured on May 23, two weeks and a day ago. Who knows, maybe I’m just standing up straighter and sucking it in a little better. [But really, how do you suck in boobs? um, sorry mom, breasts.]

Breast was 40, then 39, now 38
Waist was 34, then 32.5, now 32 [I don't care! a half inch is a half inch!]
Abdomen was 40.5 then 39, still the same [and that's after 100 crunches almost every day! =<]
Hips were 41, then 40, now 39
Thigh was 24.75, then 23.25, same
Nine and a half inches of ugly fat, gone!

Oh happy day! [Again, can't believe I'm posting these numbers, but I signed up for honesty in this journey, so honesty it is.] Reality check — I know I will never be 36-26-36 again, but I’m determined to be at a place that’s good for my health, good for the way I see and accept myself, good for the way I cope with my struggles, and good for me.

Woo Hoo!

oh my aching back!

I’m tired. I’m frustrated. My feet and legs ache and my back is throbbing. I had a particularly mentally and emotionally exhaustive workday, and now I want to sleep for twelve hours. Not good! This is not the way I want to feel! I still need to clean out the dishwasher and load it, wash four batches of permanent press and hang them, rake branches in the yard and mow, exercise, read scriptures, feed the cat, start dinner. Uughh. Where is that energy going to come from?

I started glancing through the May Ensign and saw Robert D. Hales’ talk. He said, “Today I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to excessive debt and addictions to food, drugs, pornography, and other patterns of thought and action that diminish one’s sense of self-worth. All of these excesses affect us individually and undermine our family relationships.”

He continues, “For both, the hopeful solution is the same—we must turn to the Lord and follow His commandments. We must want more than anything else to change our lives so that we can break the cycle of our uncontrolled wants.”

I read it again. Then I typed it! I’m here to tell you: My freedom of choice has been diminished by the effects of poor choices I have made! These extra pounds are killing me! I have started and stopped losing weight every month for over a year, usually doing well for a few days or even a week. I start to feel good, even great! And then: sabotage! It’s almost as if I believe I don’t deserve to be healthy, to feel energized, to be lean, to like myself! Talk about diminished sense of self-worth! [Note to self: Prophets know what they are talking about!]

Checking in:

158 in the buff this morning. [Woo-hoo!] I have eaten so healthy for four days in a row. Haven’t exercised like I need to but have done a little each day. [And by 'little' I mean at least four sets of four different exercises plus 100 abs.] I am aware of choices and being hyper – accountable. To who, though? Just me.

Goal:

Do something physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotionally strengthening today!

On a scale of 1 to 10 I want to say I’m eleven. I want to say I’m great. I’m awesome. For now it’s enough to say I’m heading in that direction. I take responsibility for being the only one who can take me from where I’ve been to where I’m heading.