consensus

I’ve been working from 5 t0 10 a.m. at the school and then going to Census training from 10 to 7:30 p.m. Plain tuckered.

The only thing I’ve managed is two batches of laundry and one batch of dishes in two days.

We have a group of ten. I’m not proud of myself for noticing right off, but here’s what I see. Besides seeing people and individuals and actually even liking and respecting them, I see three thin people. Then there are two who are pudgy, probably about twenty pounds over a good weight for themselves. And five obese people.

Interesting. It is pretty close to the national stats of 65% obese in America. Just a random group of people in a public gathering, and we’re right on the numbers.

Then I started noticing what they brought to eat. There are pork rinds, chips, pop galore, lots of DIET pop, a few waters. I saw french fries, hey, some Kashi whole grain crackers, and some Taco Time food. The leader brought dozens of HUGE over-sized chocolate chip muffins. There are other muffins, too: poppy seed, apple, oatmeal raisin, banana nut, but I really noticed the chocolate chips ones. I kept my distance though. They are the size of a small wagon!

I took veggies, water, oranges, apples, bananas. I tried to be discreet. I didn’t want to be obvious or noticeable, and even sat at a table by myself off to the right. A couple of girls commented, though, about me bringing “health food.”

The girls who sits right next to me keeps talking about being on a diet. I asked her what she was doing and she said, “Sort of a Slim Fast Diet.” She said she has a shake in the morning, a bar for a snack, repeats that for lunch and afternoon and then has a five-hundred calorie meal for dinner. She said she lost 15 pounds in a week around Christmas but then gained it all back when she quit. Now she just started over again this week. But I’m here to tell you [like you even care!] she eats about six bars a day and had the chocolate chip muffin. Two of them so far this week. She has jerky and a TON of pop. I also saw salt-water taffy going on over at her table.

Wow.

I recognize that kind of denial!

The other really obese girl drinks water all day long. I’ve never even seen her put so much as a piece of gum in her mouth.

Yup. Been there done both.

I feel bad for them because I know that kind of  ”dieting” doesn’t work. At least it doesn’t for me. I guess we all have to figure that out for ourselves, though.

I ate a lot of good fresh raw food all day long and didn’t gain an ounce! Ran home both days for lunch and had two veggie burritos. Had Bruce’s/frozen fruit /yogurt/ walnuts for dinners and breakfasts. Still 141 and loving it! Going on a week now. Lots of exercise and commitment going on here. I don’t understand why right now. It’s a conundrum.

[There are lots of comments on my last post that are quite insightful.]

feel, listen, hear, endure

I’ve just come from our Stake Conference in which I heard an amazing, encouraging and straightforward talk on the subject of enduring. We, us Mormons [members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints] usually automatically add ‘to the end’ each time we say/hear the word ‘endure.’

And it seems like such a long, long time.

I remember when my Grandpa Rollins was 103 and wondering if he could endure another moment. He had been sick for several months and even wanted to end his own life. I remember him not wanting to eat. He just wanted to go . . . to die. His wife, my Grandma Viola, had been gone twenty one years, since 1974, and he was plum lonely and worn out.

I remember a talk I heard suggesting we don’t just endure, but that we strive to endure well!

I’m not doing well in that department. Sometimes I am so frustrated and almost bitter about where I am, the choices I’ve made [I'm not blaming anyone else!] to bring me to this point and the feeling of being overwhelmed, sad, disappointed and alone. Mostly it’s on Sunday when I spend another three hour block by myself at church . . . a church that is family oriented where people sit together as families, talk about their families, teach about being families, and strive to be Eternal Families.

Wait. I realize it’s my own doing.

I’m still sad, and hurt and a little bitter.

Growing up I took for granted I would have a husband by my side who sat beside me in church, come rain or shine. I assumed we would share callings and assignments, go to tithing settlement together, perhaps fill a mission in our retirement years. I took for granted that we would have the same dreams, and wants, desires and standards. I, we, are not there.

And I’ve given up in that department.

And Sundays remind me of that.

Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of things I appreciate about my husband. A few things I actually love about him. He has been a good, good father to Mikelle and Stephen. He would do anything for either of them. To a fault, sometimes. And they would do anything for their dad.

Back to the talk in Conference.

She said there are three things which keep us from enduring.

1. afflictions
2. deception
3. sin

This hit me so hard [in a good way.] I recognized it as truth. And I could see myself in each one of these categories. I acknowledge to myself I have much work to do . . . my own soul’s work . . . in order to get back to where I need/want to be so that I can endure . . . w.e.l.l.

It was all I could do this morning to get up and get myself to church. I wanted to stay home. I knew since it was Conference no one would notice if I were there or not. But I’m so glad that something, someone, urged me to go and to get there an hour early so I could read the Ensign and sit quietly and peacefully on my second row seat and feel. and listen. and hear.

And endure.

never mind the chewing

The retainers work well. Instead of grabbing and stuffing, I stop. I think. I analyze. I project how I will feel. I figure things out. And I actually had a great evening.

I like how I feel today as a result of how I took care of myself yesterday.

I know that’s how it works. I don’t know what happens in my mind that tells me to forget about it. Forget about your goals, forget about health and wellness. Forget about inspiring others. Forget about commitments. Forget about me. And it happens so quickly. I can ruin everything in just a few minutes.

The retainers make things slow down. Then it all [my relationship with food] makes better sense to me.

I noticed the other day when I was watching hubby’s TV, [he doesn't have a DVR so you can't skip forward and miss the obnoxious ads] the commercials actually made my jaw tighten and mouth water. And I immediately felt like eating. Something. Anything. Right now. I didn’t want to think if it even tasted good, was healthy or was good for me. It just had to go in my mouth and I had to swallow. Never mind the chewing.

Lesson learned.

This morning I lifted — arms and abs. I had peaches, raspberries, walnuts and yogurt. Weight is coming down a little, nothing I really want to type, but I will. 144.5. Never thought that number would be a ‘coming down’ number. But that’s reality.

Dang it. It’s been eleven months and I’d love to be at my goal [140] next month on the one year mark of this journey. I am willing to do what it takes. [Easy to say!] I’ve had my binge. I’ve had my detour. I’ve had my rebellious streak.

Back to the plan.

I’d love company and a little competition if you’re up to it.

I keep thinking . . . if I could just get my weight under control I could move on to bigger and better things. And this would be a whole different b.l.o.g!

incredible edible flax seed

I have a huge bag of flax seeds I got from Kitchen Kneeds in Ogden last year. I decided to learn a little more about them to see if I’m using them correctly. Boy Howdy. I’ve pretty much been wasting the little wonders!

I’ve put them in a few morning smoothies, but for the most part I’ve been adding them to Bruce’s Cereal. So according to the information I just read, they have become oxidized and lost most of their nutritional value. They have also lost nutrition through heating. Additionally, if they are not ground they basically end up as little flecks in the toi toi. [Pardon my toddler-talk.]

Here’s a summary of what I’ve learned:

You can eat whole flax seeds but you need to chew them good to break them up. Your stomach will not dissolve whole flax seeds and many of them will come out in your stools. Chew about a tablespoon in the morning. Then drink 8 oz of water. Make sure if you chew flax seeds that you drink water since the seeds expand and become gelatinous.

There are brown and golden colored flax seeds. The golden cost more but there is not difference in their nutritional value.

You can grind them up in a grinder and add them to your smoothies. It is best not to use them in any cooking recipes. Heat destroys the value of the flax oil and makes it toxic.

I don’t recommend you buy ground up flax seeds as found on websites or in health food stores. Once you grind your flax seeds, you need to use them in your drinks or food soon after grinding so they don’t lose their nutritive value.

Even though Nutri Flax, ground up flax seed, is packaged so the flax seeds don’t see light or oxygen, what happens when you open the package? These flax seeds are going to be exposed to oxygen and light and as time passes they will become oxidized.

It only takes 10 to 15 minutes in light and oxygen for the ground up flax seeds to become oxidized and lose it nutritive value.

So if you decided to use pre-grounded flax seed like it Nutri Flax, store it in your refrigerator immediately after it is opened and used to minimize its oxidation.

Flax seeds are composed of,

· 41% fat – fifty seven % is omega 3 ?· 18 % is monounsaturated ?· 16% is omega 6 ?· 9% is saturated ?· 20% is protein ?· 7% is moisture

Obviously my bag is nutritionally worthless, but since I can’t seem to throw them away, I’m going to add them to the potting soil in my big plant. Nah, I think I’ll just toss these and get some more.