sheesh, this place looks familiar. have i been here before?

Alrighty then! I’ve reached the point where I’m totally disgusted with myself . . again. It happens several times a year. And I’ve actually been ‘here’ for at least a month. When the kids were home for Christmas I was feeling like I needed to get moving and get motivated right away but it actually took me six more weeks to say enough! Today I got there. I screamed ENOUGH!

Holy cow, me thinks my eyes have been deceiving me because I, seriously, would never let myself go out in public looking the way I’ve been looking if I didn’t actually think I was borderline OK, but today I really took a good look and I’m far from borderline.

So, I walked this morning at the school, joined the gym this afternoon and worked-out there on the way home from work. Not a lot, but a start. And I’m going to keep track of how long it takes me to get back to where I want to be.

I felt totally fab [148 and buff] when I came home from camping five months ago. Well, fab except for the broken leg, the torn [whatever — several somethings] in my knee and the pain coursing and radiating down my body to my toes. Yah, other than that, I felt great!

I wish there were someone in relatively the same [poor] shape I’m in who would challenge me every day. Who would keep me on my toes and who would make me accountable. Scott started on the day after New Years and is going strong. But I need someone who is 65 years old, slightly depressed about everything, a procrastinator, and excuse-r [excuse maker] and 15 pounds overweight. Mikelle won’t do because she is, like 120 and hard as a rock and already has a group of friends who bike, dance, lift, push, run, etc. Tracy is in no shape to be exercising or lifting. So we just laugh a little and hold our breath lots. Hubster? Um. No. Although he did just buy an elliptical and has it set up in the back room. But no.

Last Saturday on the way to Utah I turned up the radio in the car and pretended I was teaching Dance FIT. Those were the days. I was counting off the beat and swinging my arms and gyrating my shoulders as I was going down the interstate. That was the exact moment I decided to ‘think’ about making a change. I thought long and hard. But then for two more days I didn’t move at all and didn’t stop eating once. In fact, I ate more than I have in a couple months last night — and that’s counting Thanksgiving and Christmas!

So here I am, again, at Point A and heading toward Point B.

Determined . . .  again.